If the first half was a sexy woman wearing a raincoat and a paper bag over her head, the second half was the same woman minus the raincoat, in black lingerie teasing and flirting, leaving you with a wide smile splashed over your face at the conclusion of her dance. Okay, so I have a colourful and chequered past (which for the record doesn't include a paper bag fetish) involving lap dancing clubs. I'm also probably the only person comparing a game of football to a private dance. The fact is, there was happy ending. With the football. The football had a happy ending.