Get in the sea


No arguing with idiots

by Social Media


Oracle: We're going to spend nothing again this transfer window! If we get into the top four it will be thanks to sheer luck and not by design. Shambles!

Fan: So nothing to do with the coaching and developing of tactics and better scouted players of understated hype? Nothing to do with improving inherited players that under a different coach looked like costly mistakes? Nothing to do with removing all deadwood and technically inept squad members to streamline and birth a new identity?

Oracle: We're not good enough to be challenging.

Fan: But we are.

Oracle: Look at the amount of games we've drawn.

Fan: We've lost three times in the league and have one of the best defences. Our goal difference alone is testament to how balanced we are - and we're not even the finished article yet.

Oracle: It's going to fall apart.

Fan: Why?

Oracle: Because I have no voice if I don't say that.

Fan: Where's your sense of spirit? Where's the pride for the team?

Oracle: Would you like me to light a candle and make a prayer?

Fan: Jesus wept.

Oracle: Jesus much like ENIC is a fabrication. A fallacy. Poch is Levy's patsy. A 'Yes Man'.

Fan: What does that even mean?

Oracle: He gives the media and fans soundbites that protect Levy and his hoarding of money.

Fan: Didn't we spend £100M that wasn't from the Bale transfer?

Oracle: He would rather protect net spend than spend to get goals in the net.

Fan: Some of our supporters wanted Poch sacked after a handful of games - this season.  Can we have some perspective that is relative to the present and favourably comparable to our recent failures in the past?

Oracle: Computer says no.

Fan: He's a 'Yes man' instead of what? A Harry Redknapp that allegedly never agreed with Levy on transfers? An AVB that never got the players he wanted and couldn't make the ones he got work?

Oracle: Levy never backs his coach and this time he's got one that wont complain about it.

Fan: Maybe they both understand each other and have a solid working relationship?

Oracle: There's twelve words in your question. Twelve is the total number of sides in four triangles. Triangle = Illuminati confirmed.

Fan: Maybe it's the perfect job for Poch because he's free to work with the academy and not have to stress like Spurs managers of old where there was always this foreboding deadline that festered in the stands and in the boardroom. And maybe Levy has finally clocked onto the fact that you can't keep interfering and attempting to fast-track.

Oracle: Wish he'd fast-track the stadium.

Fan: You want Berahino, right?

Oracle: I want a striker.

Fan: So you don't want Berahino?

Oracle: No. Hasn't played consistent football. Watches television at home with this feet up. Troublemaker. Left to rot in suspended animation because we never follow through with a serious bid to match WBA's valuation. Levynomics.

Fan: So you berate Levy for not signing him even though you don't rate the player and if we don't get him you'll berate Levy even more. I guess you'll also blame the coach for not fighting hard enough to make a new striker a priority?

Oracle: All of the above.

Fan: If we did sign Berahino would you start to smell burning toast whilst the side of your face drops faster than Drogba in his prime?

Oracle: We've been linked with Moussa Dembele. He's a kid that plays Championship football. Championship football. How is that ambitious? How is that going to help us consolidate? We're so limp with our endeavour we even target a player with a name that matches up to one we already have. Levy will probably give him Mousa's old shirts to save on costs. #NetSpend.

Fan: Dele Alli played League One before this season. Isn't it more ambitious to stay true to ones philosophy and build a team rather than a selection of marquee players that don't quite fit into a long-lasting ethos? If there's one lesson to be learnt it's the fact that nobody outside of the coaching staff and players have a true grasp on how it all works. Considering no one predicted we'd be in the position we are now. Something something no one has patience.

Oracle: We can't rely on kids.

Fan: We've relied on them all season.

Oracle: Everything you're watching is because everyone else is rubbish. It's all luck.

Fan: Really? Okay. We'll I'll take that over previous attempts at building a team with longevity.

Oracle: We need to spend money to truly bolster the squad.

Fan: Hardly any one splashes out in January.

Oracle: That's true. Ask Saha and Nelson.

Fan: Ooh get you. You're going to have to explain how the mechanics work when assigning blame for new signings. Chairman, director of football or the coach?

Oracle: It's anyone that isn't Daniel Levy but especially Daniel Levy.

Fan: Can I blame you?

Oracle: What's Levy going to do with the Townsend cash? Stash it in a shoe-box? Buy some bricks for a stadium he never intends to build? Send David Lammy some formula now that he's suckled all the milk out of the breasts of the Northumberland Development Project?

Fan: Accountancy question? Great. This is modern football. Do we have a good team or not? Do we finally have someone and something with substance rather than superficial style? Do you love the players and the love they have for the shirt? Are we going to constantly lust after past indiscretions, obsessively, willing that old self-fulfilling prophecy to play its tune again?

Oracle: Keep waving that handkerchief you call a surfing flag. We need top drawer players. We need to spend big and make a statement.

Fan: Like that time we spent £100M on seven players and only have three left with only one of them a sure thing in the side? Have I mentioned that already?

Oracle: At least we sold Andros. Utter dross, stealing a wage. Players that remain at one club for this long are useless. It's proved by the fact that nobody wants them.

Fan: Er...Harry Kane?

Oracle: Almost all of the players that remain at the club for this long are not good enough.

Fan: The club sold Townsend for £12M. Someone obviously wanted him. He's not good enough for our team but why disparage someone that is Tottenham breed?

Oracle: Do you also believe there's gold at the end of rainbows? Do you curtsey to the ghost of Princess Diana on cold winter nights whilst crying into newspaper clippings of the Royal Wedding? There's no room for emotive niceties in football.

Fan: You're an empty shell of a man.

Oracle: We should have moved to Stratford.

Fan: Is there any part of the process of being a Tottenham Hotspur supporter that you enjoy? Any part at all? Do you ever allow emotion to pop veins in your head, not too dissimilar to coming up from a pill laced with MDMA?

Oracle: No.

Fan: Never?

Oracle: Can I profit from being happy?

Fan: There's no saving you. Get in the f**king sea.