So Real Madrid are busy sticking up scaffolding resembling one of those Galactico stages that we occasionally see at the Santiago Bernabéu when they're showing off new signings. I wonder what they're up to?

It's like having someone desperate to scream 'surprise!' at a surprise party to be the first to say it even though the person the party is for already knows about the surprise because the person that wants to scream just can't shut the **** up about it.

I've seen another photo today. One of a Bale 11 RM shirt, in the display window of the Real Madrid shop. Talk about unable to keep it in their pants.

How long has this deal been done for? Agreed in principle? Weeks? A month or so? Hardly matters. It can't not be happening, not with the business we're trying to conclude. No word on Bale from anyone, including Bale. Even Marca have calmed their offensive. No point shouting about something that they know is going to happen. Right? Or am I wrong? Bale *is* a prisoner, Madrid won't break him out of jail. Bale will have to suffer the indignity of playing with a powerful powerful spurs squad after a summer of intent.

Unless there is an almighty 'mare on the cards after this glorious summer, we'll get the new players in and Bale will shift on. Levy will share with us an uplifting open letter, rally the troops, and Bale will have kind words about Spurs (not patronising here, he's done nothing wrong IMO, and I still retain my sentiments - I wish him all the best - and I'm certain he feels the same about us). 

We can then get back to the football and applying tons of pressure on AVB and the new players to bed in within 2 games max otherwise, it's effigy time. Going to buy toy yachts and smash'em up outside White Hart Lane if all this goes pear-shaped.

Sorry...what's that? That photo of the kid standing next to the Bale 11 shirt was from a sports shop in Madrid but not the official store? It has nothing to do with Real Madrid themselves?

Oh God. I am wrong.