The diary of a tabloid sports hack
7am Wake up. Fancy breakfast. Check fridge, there's bacon but no eggs. Ask the missus, she says she forgot to pick some up.
'SALMONELLA SCARE LAYS WASTE TO FRY UP'- Wife unavailable for comment
9am On way to work. Running late. Signal failures. Reading book on tube, woman opposite looks up and glances at me for a moment.
'SEX FIEND PESTERS TUBE PASSENGER' - I was violated says man who was jumped on by nymph
10:25am At work. Need a cup of coffee to wake me up. Bloke in front of me in work kitchen is hogging the kettle. Looks like he's had one too many coffees already. He's wired up, won't stop talking. What a pr*ck, he almost tripped over trying to barge past me.
'MAN GOES MENTAL AFTER BRAZILIAN MARCHING POWDER BINGE' - Then collapses in heap
11:22am At the Spurs training ground. Need to write up a match preview. Waiting for Andre Villas-Boas to arrive for a quick chat for a pre-arranged meeting.
11:23am Still waiting for Villas-Boas to arrive. Sitting in the press room waiting.
11:24am Still waiting.
11:25am No sign of him yet.
11:26am I can see Bale walking to his car from the window, he's on his mobile talking. There's Andre, he's just waved to Bale and he's heading my way.
11:27am Andre has arrived.
11:37am Making notes. Andre tells me that Gareth Bale has a cold and might not be available for the game this weekend. Someone interrupts us and says Andre is required elsewhere. He shakes my hand and tells me if I need anything more to give him a ring.
11:45am I leave the Spurs training ground. Need to write everything up for publication.
1:35pm Article live on website and going out in evenings edition of newspaper.
'GARETH BALE STORMS OUT OF SPURS TRAINING GROUND AFTER MASSIVE BUST UP WITH VILLAS-BOAS'
Under-fire Spurs boss Andre Villas-Boas was involved in a sensational fight with Welsh winger Gareth Bale which saw the not so special Portuguese coach kick the player out of training and send him home. He then let slip that he was dropping Tottenham's star player from Saturday's game as punishment. Bale has been a revelation since Harry Redknapp nurtured his raw talents and reinvented him as a left-sided midfielder but it appears there's no room for him in the new regime.
Struggling Villas-Boas unleashed hell when the two clashed in the training ground car park, punches were thrown, and Bale looked to leave under a stormy cloud, speaking to his agent on his mobile, possibly to arrange emergency talks with chairman Daniel Levy about a quick exit. Real Madrid are rumoured to be looking at him with a possible move pencilled in for next summer but the January transfer window might allow for an earlier escape.
It then went from bad to worse for Villas-Boas who failed to turn up on time for a press interview and was abrupt and rude, storming out in a fit of petulant rage still fuming from the fight.
New signing Hugo Lloris was unavailable for comment but Didier Deschamps said, "Boas is a monster and although I have no evidence, I think he gave birth to Godzilla and we all know the damage that's caused down the years"
2:34pm Finished work. Down the pub. Hoping to score a gram or two.