Understanding the Jan Vertonghen transfer saga

The transfer negotiation between Spurs and Ajax...

Daniel Levy: That's my bid.

Ajax: It does not meet our valuation for the player.

Daniel Levy: Okay. I will raise it by one pound.

Ajax: Rejected.

Daniel Levy: I will raise it by a further single pound.

Ajax: No.

Daniel Levy: I'd like to add another pound to the total offered.

Ajax: Someone get me a coffee.

Several weeks later...

Daniel: I raise the bid by another pound.

Ajax: No, I mean...hold on. Yes, okay. Accepted. You have met our valuation for the player. Now we must discuss the payment plan.

Daniel: Ten million carrier pigeons each carrying a pound coin on their back, blindfolded and with a drop of ketmaine injected into their...

Ajax: No.

Daniel: Tesco coupons to the value of the agreed transfer sum.

Ajax: No.

Daniel: Vintage Kenner Star Wars action figures, still wrapped in original packing to the value of the agreed transfer sum.

Ajax: Would that also include the Millennium Falcon from Return of the Jedi?

Daniel: No.

Ajax: Okay. Then my answer is no.

Daniel: Two crates. One crate has the full amount in copper coins. The other contains a box set of the full series of The Wire. You won't know which is which. Noel Edmonds will ask you to select and...

Ajax: Another coffee please.