Shut up, sit down, do as we tell you to

Claude: "How's the renovation going?"
Oswald: "Great. The loft conversation is done, we're having the back garden landscaped"
Claude: "BBQ?"
Oswald: "Of course. Once it's completed we'll be having a house warming"
Claude: "You massive show off you"
Oswald: "I know. Keeps the wife happy. You still going to the Bahamas this summer?"
Claude: "Yes. Booked up. Two glorious weeks. Really looking forward to it"
Oswald: "We've decided on the Canary Islands"
Claude: "Again?"
Oswald: "Creature comforts"
Claude: "Is that the new...?"
Oswald: "Yes. It's a Blackberry"
Claude: "Looks lush"
Oswald: "That's because it is"
Claude: "I'm holding out for the next Galaxy"
Oswald: "What you got currently?"
Claude: "The current Galaxy. But the next one will be better"
Oswald: "Oh look. I think something has happened"
Claude: "Where? Oh yeah. They appear to be running back to the half-way line"

Rupert: "Excuse me. Yes, you two. Can you please keep the chitter chatter to a minimum. Tone it down a touch. I'm trying to critique the match here. Can you not see I'm writing some notes?"

Steward: "Chaps. If you persist with this behaviour I will have to escort you out of the ground. Read the warnings on the back of the seats. Use sign language if you're going to banter"

Claude/Oswald: "Sorry"

Claude: <So did someone score?>
Oswald: <Not sure. I've got an app on my phone. I'll have a look>

Valentine: <Excuse me, yes you two. Can you perhaps sign language a little less aggressively please. I'm feeling faint, you're making me dizzy with all your animated hand gestures. This is a football match you know>

Björk: Shhh!

The future of football. Shut up, sit down, do as we tell you to. That's not even the mantra of the powers that be. According to the powers that be, some fans are already making themselves comfortable in their seats, not wishing to participate in the games atmosphere but preferring to sit back and watch as though they are witnessing opera or ballet. Each to their own. No doubt it's your prerogative how you wish to soak it all in at a game. But if you want to watch in silence, do you have the right to define everyone else's experience to match your dainty bubble? Why is the minority so all consuming?

The club will never allow the drum back into White Hart Lane or the new stadium. For me, it's not even about the drum any more. It's about what the drum stood for. Freedom of expression. We continue to be marginalised by the club and according to Spurs, we appear to also be marginalised by some of our own. Other supporters have allegedly written to the club to say they oppose the drum and it's fake plastic beats and that it's an unnecessary distraction and they do not approve of the noise.

Football fans not approving of noise? Surely this is satire? Football fans complaining about other footballs fans and the manner in which they wish to demonstrate their love for the team. Must be satire.

You might think it's hypocritical that I'm saying its okay for 'us' to make noise and that we are imposing on those that do not wish to stand/sing/chant/scream/drum. But get this. Football might be this overly policed entertainment package that costs an arm and a leg to go to but the very essence of its existence remains tribal and we have a right to fight for that freedom of expression. If you don't like the noise, try the sofa. Last time I blogged about this someone told me that they no longer go to Spurs wishing to stand and sing and preferred to watch seated with their son/daughter. I'll let you work out the contradiction and hypocrisy in that statement.

If you wrote a letter to THFC complaining about the drum/noise, please get in touch. I've got my opinion, I've shared it. I'd like to give you a platform to share yours.


If anyone has positive stories about the drum to share, please email spursdrum @ He's compiling some to send to the club to counter the negative stories they have received. Doubtful the club will share their stories.