A day in the life of Adel Taarabt
Adel, is enjoying a cup of coffee in his kitchen. When suddenly, chaos! The very fabric of space and time is ripped open, resulting with a small and rather polite worm hole appearing before his eyes.
'Hello Adel', the worm hole greeted the ex-Moroccan international with a smile.
Adel: "What in the f**k is this sh*t? I already have an agent. Get out of my home"
Worm hole: "I'm here to offer you what you deserve"
Adel: "Adel is not interested in anything a hypothetical topological feature of space-time has to say"
Worm hole: "Oh, sorry, I thought you were…Is Adel home?"
Adel: "Of course he is. Adel is standing in front of you, idiot"
Worm hole: "Where? Oh, I see. First person"
Adel: "You are wasting Adel's time. Leave"
Worm hole: "No, no I'm not wasting your time. You deserve so much more than this. Than QPR"
Adel: "Hold on a minute, Jose…Jose is that you?"
Worm hole: "I am not Jose. I have trancended the infinite layers of the mult-verse to visit you today. I'm here to gift you something special Adel. 1970. The World Cup final between the boys from Brazil and Italy. A spectacle befitting a player of your undoubted quality. I can take you back in time, Adel, and replace Pele with you"
Worm hole: "Yes, replace. You will be Pele, but you will define the final and his legacy with your own two feet and footballing brain. Adel Taarabt in the body of Pele with the ability of Adel Taarabt. How does that sound?"
Adel: "It sounds like the same Adel in blue and white hoop colours every weekend, but in Mexico instead of West London. Okay. Why not? I was only going to spend the day looking at myself in the mirror. I can do that when I get back. Do they have mirrors back in the 70s? So then, do I jump?"
Worm hole: "Yes, jump into me. And you will be transported onto the pitch in 1970 Mexico City, in full kit"
And so Adel takes the leap of faith, after finishing his cup of coffee, and jumps into the worm hole with the minimum of fuss.
1970. The World Cup Final. Brazil v Italy. Mexico City.
Rivelino: What the…?
Gérson: I don't get it.
Jarizinho: This is ridiculous.
Carlos Alberto: I do not believe my eyes.
Commentator: Unbelievable scenes in the World Cup final. I can't quite fathom this. Pele has stripped off his yellow jersey and thrown it to the ground after screaming abuse at Mário Zagallo and proceeding to push him over. Just ten minutes into the game and Pele - who has been shocking, just shocking and abjectly woeful - has gestured abuse to his team-mates and the fans and has sensationally walked off the field of play in protest screaming 'I quit, I quit' in what can only be described as a very public melt-down. The Italians are unsure where to look. I'm unsure where to look. This is so out of character. It's embarrassing to watch.
All this madness began after Pele attempted to dribble through and around his own team-mates with the Italians looking on in amazement, and then had the ball abruptly taken off his feet by Jarizinho which resulted with Pele slapping him across the face. This is quite an incredible start to the World Cup final.
And it's a red card for Pele. The ref has seen enough!
Oh dear God, he's now urinating on the dug-out in retaliation to the card. Extraordinary!
Later that day, back in 2010...
Worm hole: "That went well"
Adel: "Please. No more Sunday League football, okay?"