The Stupendous Adventures of Bale and Bentley

Episode IV

Gareth: Did we make the right choice signing up for this?
David: Of course we did. You can't be regretting it now.
Gareth: I just don't see how this is helping.
David: You'll getting plenty of rest in here and time to recover from your op. What's there to complain about?
Gareth: I know but it's bloody boring.
David: Look we both need to get ourselves back into the spotlight and this is the only way. I've tried everything but Harry keeps ignoring me. But now I've got the opportunity to really shine, show everyone what I can do. And my skills can not be denied. Harry will have to start me in the first team after this.
Gareth: You spend most of the time combing your hair in front of the mirrors. And there's no guarantee Harry will be watching and if he was I'm not sure he'll be overly impressed, you know.
David: Yeah, but I've been doing keepy-ups with the oranges, staying fit. And last night I lobbed one into the bin from about 10 yards at an angle. Bound to get on Sky Sports News with that.
Gareth: Sit down for Gods sake, everyone's staring at you again.
David: (breathing heavily) And ten, and eleven, and twelve…starjumps.
Gareth: Sit down, it’s about to be announced...


Gareth: It's because of all the hairs in the shower, isn't it?
David: It's because we haven’t won a single task you've been involved in.
Gareth: One of us is going on Friday. I knew it was a mistake signing up for this.
David: This is BS. I'm telling you, its Harry Redknapp. Must be. He's the secret housemate in a secret room and he's manipulated the nominations to get me out. He's trying to ruin me.
Gareth: Surely he'd want to keep you in the BB house? And stop talking into the camera, I'm over here.
David: Maybe it's a fake eviction and the person voted 'out' gets to go to Liverpool?
Gareth: You're not right in the head.
David: Thirteen and fourteen and fifteen and sixteen starjumps…
Gareth: Seriously, I'm going to the diary room. I want to leave. This place is what a lock-in at Faces would be like. It's insufferable and full of cu...
David: (speaking at the other housemates) I know why you all voted for me. It's because of the other night when I stripped and run naked around the garden. It is, isn't it? Well you lot are all two-faced. Remember I told you.
Gareth: David, shut up! Look, the diary room door…it's opening…someone's coming through!
David: Oh my God! It must be a new housemate! It's a new housemate!

Dramatic pause.

Gareth: Oh this isn't good.
David: You have got to be f*cking kidding me.
Aaron: Hi everyone.