A short guide to understanding Tottenham in the transfer market
#23 Ashley Young
Spurs: We like the look of your boy Ashley.
Watford: You can have him for £1M.
Spurs: Hmm. Ok, well you know what. We like him, we do, but £1M for a kid who hasn't proven himself in top flight football? Listen, thanks, but no thanks.
Watford: You're declining?
Spurs: Yes, yeah…we'll be looking elsewhere. Just don't think he's worth that much.
Watford: Hello again.
Spurs: Hi. Your boy Ashley has progressed rather well.
Watford: Fancy him more do you now?
Spurs: Might do, might do.
Watford: Thinking of making a bid?
Spurs: Yes, perhaps.
Watford: How does £9M sound to you?
Spurs: Sorry...What? (laughing out loud)
Watford: £9M. He has proven talent.
Spurs: Yes, but Christ, really? £9M? That’s extortionate. I mean, come on, £9M? Nine million big ones?
Watford: You're not interested again, are you?
Spurs: Just don't think he's worth that much.
Villa: How can we help?
Spurs: Ashley Young. We want him.
Villa: Ok. We value Ashley at a price of £... (interrupted)
Spurs: We want to pay £20M for the player.
Villa: Oh, ok, well I suppose...
Spurs: Credit card or cheque?
Villa: Well we've not had time to...
Spurs: Look, if you want something more than just money we can throw in Bentley and Huddlestone.
Villa: Didn't Bentley cost you £15M?
Spurs: And? Just take your pick. Bentley or Huddlestone. Or take both of them.
Villa: Can we think about it first?
Spurs: Great, no problem. Give me a call with one hour remaining in the summer transfer window and we’ll go about thrashing out a deal.