Inner-monologue trauma
FIRST HALF
Kick off approaching. We've lost our last five league games against this lot. These games are always tight.
Team news in. Looks like we're starting with three at the back? Four perhaps with Doherty on the left and Serge on the right, as wing-backs. Davies as a CB. Dier in midfield? If not, it’s three in defence. What the fuck has happened to Toby?
Game's kicked off. Mane nearly scores.
GOAL. SON. Oh ffs, VAR. We're talking about fractions here. His foot is offside, just about offside. Decent finish too that. Might have even fudged it but it still got slotted away beautifully. Shame.
Both sides pressing but we're doing alright, Kane dropping deep. I like this.
Perhaps not liking it as much, 15th minute mark, Liverpool bossing midfield possession. No surprise, it's 2 versus 3 in there.
Centreback's staying back, not getting involved, not pushing out. We're getting outnumbered. Ndombele sort caught in no mans land because of the lack of support.
Only release we have is the long floated ball over the top, the long-ball counter.
Nice little move, three touch counter, Son with a lame shot. We're getting at them when we get at them. We're just not getting at them enough.
They're gettable on the backfoot.
GET AT 'EM
Salah with a little dink, floated over to Mane. Save by Hugo.
Liverpool still with the possession, but static with movement. No overlap, not using the wings. But in control. I'm in discomfort.
Kane down for the second time in the half, left ankle not looking great. Kane is Kane, gets back up. This is still ominous. He doesn't look comfortable. Lovely. The footballing Gods truly have gallows humour when it comes to Spurs.
Roden with a great challenge on Mane. He's been decent.
Firmino causing a few problems, God I hate him. He's so annoyingly good against us. But that's what we need. Our big players doing big things.
Doherty gives the ball away, don't do that! Counter, cross and the ball fizzes past the six yard box. What is wrong with our concentration tonight? Little lapses here and there that are punishable by death (metaphorical death).
I don't like this.
Another Mane effort. Saved.
We're back in numbers, all men behind the ball, ye olde parking of the bus ethics.
Deep into injury time here.
Oh FFS.
No Tottenham, no no no.
0-1. Fucking Firmino. There you go. Textbook. Ball over the top from Henderson, Mane cross, a proper tap in for that sodding Brazilian.
Jose livid. I'm livid. We're all f**king livid.
Dier complicit there. Lack of responsibility.
'Both teams haven't lost when taking the lead in a game this season'. Great. Might as well not bother with the second half.
SECOND HALF
I guess I have to bother with it.
Kane off, Lamela on. Winks on, Serge off. 433? I don't know. Just do something Spurs.
Liverpool almost score.
That's not what I meant by do something.
Salah's shot over.
What the f**k happened in the dressing room at half-time? Did everyone snort Ketamine?
0-2
Are you actually trolling me here Tottenham?
Trent smacking it in, 46th minute. Utterly pathetic. Literally inviting them into our pen area. Game is ded.
DED.
Dier (again) gave the ball away. Hugo palmed the ball weirdly back into play.
Our players have shat the bed here. They've shat the bed. Sh*t everywhere. All over the gaff. Might as well bin the sheets. Aint getting this stain out.
WAIT WAIT WAIT HOLD ON A SECOND
1-2
PEH with a lovely strike! That's more like it Spurs. Bit of passion. PASHUN! 48th minute or summit. Back in it. GAME ON.
Rodon in the wars.
Formation change has allowed us a bit more momentum in midfield, more balance. Ndombele is a bit further forward. Has to be. No Kane. Need someone to lead by example, invent and press.
Jesus wept.
GAME DONE.
I'm done.
1-3
Salah. Why always us?
No wait, hold on. Handball in the build up? Off Firmino? VAR. Disallowed. Lucky lucky.
Getting sick of us playing the ball out from the back and constantly, weakly giving it away centrally. Literally passing it back to them in danger areas.
Aaaaaaaand...
1-3
Three one.
Three sodding one.
Dear oh dear. I'm just like, wow, wtf. TAA cross and Rodon, not sure what the fuck he was doing there, gets ghosted by Mane who smacks it in. We just didn't deal with that.
What a mess.
Love how Liverpool decided that they'd just turn up tonight. But I guess when you need a result, you get a result and we needed one and we have proven that we haven't got that extra bit of something - in the head - to consolidate what we can do with our feet.
Losing Kane has rocked us but tonight, we've been all over the place. Dizzy motherf**kers.
Defensive shape the worst I've seen us this season. Just so timid and naïve.
14-3 in shots for them lot.
Jose got this wrong. We sit up to contain, got outnumbered and got punished for it. Loss the momentum, couldn't regain it. Sure, had Son's goal stood - we'll never know though. Our reaction hasn't been the statement we needed.
We needed to own this game, FRONT FOOT FOOTBALL. You can't play chess against Liverpool if Liverpool turn up with a baseball bat. Smashed our knights to bits.
Still giving the ball away in and around our pen area. I mean, WHAT YOU DOING LADS? If they did have ketamine, I want some of that. Imma need it after this game.
I forgot Son was still on the pitch. We haven't adapted at all in key areas but then it's nigh impossible to control a game when the opposing team have the game in their pocket.
Bale on for...I...don't know.
I'm done.
Rum.
I'm drinking the rum.
Straight.
No ice.
Poured another drink.
Ice this time.
I f**king hate football. I really do. Why could I not blog about food or something that will never let me down.
Porn.
Video games. Dear Mr Sony.
Another drink.
I think the game has finished. Best check it didn't get any worse for us.
1-3.
We can forget about the delusion of grandeur with the title.
Everything is on the cups now.
Still need Champs League.
Still need another drink.
Goodnight.
I ain't even gonna sleep.
Eyes wide open, sleep paralysis.
Thanks Spurs. You got beat, now I'm getting beat up.
Why do you keep doing this to me?
Wait what?
Kane has injured BOTH ankles?
I quit.