Another week is upon us. Buckle up. I'm feeling confident something will happen in the next seven days to break us free from the weary chains of summer boredom. And such is my boredom that I've resorted to browsing the Tottenham OS, trailing for anything worthy of a mention which has successfully resulted with the discovery of a certain clause in the One Hotspur terms and conditions that I missed first time round.

Do you read T&C's before signing up? Did you read them when purchasing/renewing your season ticket? I'd hazard a guess and say you probably didn't read all the small print. Who does? We all know that if you're naughty at games you'll be punished for it - and deservedly so. It's a given. But what's there to know other than the usual blurb you get with any type of purchase?

Well here's the gem in question:


1.2 Members must at all times do everything within their power and control to protect and enhance the good name of the Club and not to diminish the good name of the Club in any way or through any means. The Club does not tolerate foul and/or abusive behaviour towards staff. This applies to any form of communication with Club staff.


Ouch. Don't supporters do this by their very definition, at the ground or away from home - giving their support for the team and players?

But what does this actually mean in context with regards to bloggers or anybody who posts about the club on unofficial message boards? No wonder the official Tottenham Hotspur forum has less bite than a toothless bed-bug, with everyone far too scared to say anything that may be frowned upon considering you can only post once your membership number has been validated through registration. You have to be careful not to be too critical, and people who are get slated for being so.

And since some of my articles incite some fans (I've got a few 'admirers' over on the official forum that think I have an anti-Spurs agenda, the melters) to suggest that the content on this blog is derogatory towards the club, I'm curious for some clarity.

What constitutes diminishing the good name of the club? It's a little ambiguous and vague.

I don't like the new yellow-streaked home shirt. I posted about it. Several times. Even signed a petition. Am I in violation of my contract? And am I failing to enhance the name of the club?

Who am I kidding? Of course I'm not. I have an opinion and I can make my feelings public if I so wish, in whatever writing style I see fit.

IMO, protecting the name of the club is standing up for what you believe in, as a fan. We are the true shareholders. The club belongs to us, be it in a romanticised way. But much like anything in life, we can choose to stand back and be critical if we don’t agree with something - anything - the club representatives do or say. One perfect example was the doomed Director of Football structure. Even though people within the club swore by it, many fans disliked it. And in the end we were proved to be right. Arguably, the club did little to enhance the good name of the club, by dragging it through a dizzying mess of embarrassment. Maybe I can sue for the trauma and emotional stress I was put through during this uneasy period in our history?

Would like to hear from someone at the club about this. I’m not stirring. And I’m not concerned or worried. I always find these type of entries in a legally binding contract to be susceptible to several forms of interpretation and because you agree to it as a member, the power of how its translated to any number of things is not in your hands – but in the clubs and thus, they can exercise it to their hearts content when they see fit. I guess that's the point of it.

Also, re: This applies to any form of communication with Club staff.

I best be grateful that my letters never make it into Levy's in-tray. Small mercies. Going forward I may take to burning my season ticket in the men's gents as nobody is likely to notice with all the smoke emanating from the cubicles.

Are we going to sign a left-winger? Young? Downing? Anyone? It's the quest that never ends, usually because we are never looking, and it's a question that gets repeated over and over again and with each passing transfer window we are left empty handed and confused.

The only reason I care to mention this is because of Luka Modric. And the little matter of our midfield. At the moment he dinks in, drifts around at his heart's content, conducting play and creating havoc. All from the left-wing. I discussed this at length - click here to read it - and the conundrum was simply whether our Croatian wizard was better suited in the middle.

With Palacios now commanding the centre park, the protection is in place for Luka to slot into a more natural position for a player with his abilities. But there is no indication of what Harry is planning other than a complaint about Man City 'moving the goal posts' and being able to outbid everyone around them citing Barry and Santa Cruz - indicating we were interested in both. Which means we are still looking to bring in two players of similar ilk. Ignore his comments relating to not bothering to strengthing the side if we can't find players that would improve us (Harry mind games):

"I have spoken to the chairman Daniel Levy and we've decided if we can't get players who will improve the team we're not going to bother. We've already got a decent squad, many of whom are going to get better. But we recognise we have to improve"

Not a chance he won't get involved in some dealings.

a) Because he's Harry Redknapp

b) Because we DO need to strengthen the squad

A CM and a number 9 type of forward player are the current targets based on Harrys comments (if you read between the lines, and I know I might be reading way too much into it). He also mentions Glen Johnson, so it's possible we are also looking at the right-back position too. You know, because, we need one of them due to the lack of depth in that area of the squad since Pascal Chimbonda was involved in a training ground accident involving a tear in the space time continuum that sucked him into a worm hole.

Now I know I'm basing all this around the obvious and there is no clear indication, but I hope (and pray) we don't simply sign players just because they are available (regardless of their hype) and that we sign players that we need because they WILL improve the side.

Barry would have completed our midfield. Santa Cruz, I'm not too sure about. So maybe I've got that one wrong. All irrelevant now anyway.

Signing Barry would have meant Modric remaining on the left-hand side. If we do sign another CM, it's possible that the player will be a back-up (with Zokora on his way out). Whatever happened to the Scott Brown rumours? We've also been linked to several La Liga based midfielders in recent weeks, but it's all speculation - our tabloids repeating what their tabloids are saying. If we sign a major player for the CM role, then Luka will no doubt remain drifting in from the left. There is no real clarity and definitive ideology of selection based on the transfer rumours. But then I wouldn't expect that to be the case.

Not a clue about the 'number 9' - and whether we end up with a tricky goal-scorer or a tall/big/strong Crouchesque player. If we do sign another forward, then the Keane/Defoe issue will no doubt resurface.

And back to the left-sided question. Downing is injured and I'm not sure when he'll be back to full fitness - so signing him would still mean we begin the season with no left-winger. Anyone would think there's a shortage of wingers. It's gone quiet everywhere. Ashley Young too.

I guess one thing to be completely positive about is that we are not rushing into making any signings. Whether this is because we are waiting to sell players (or swap them) or because we are biding our time to find the right (left) type of player to bring to the club - it gives me the impression we are a little more calculating this term, than in previous seasons.

Either that or the transfer window is in a state of reverse flux, with clubs nervous about spending too much on the wrong player.

Until we make a signing, we won't know where Moddle will be starting. But at least he'll be starting in Lilywhite.

Chatting to some Sunderland lads, it would seem the rumours of Robbie Keane being offered to Sunderland (a month or two back) are possible true - in that their ITK's are confirming the same thing ours are blabbering on about.

So whether there is any truth in the story suggesting that Keane is unhappy/only re-signed to save him from his Liverpool hell and help us out whilst Defoe was injured, on the promise of being sold in the summer.....phew, is something that we can only discuss as half-truths until we know better. We do love our conspiracy theories down here in N17.

As for Darren Bent, he's apparently keen on joining Sunderland and will be speaking to them this up and coming week (when he apparently returns from his hols). Spurs and Sunderland are almost at the point of agreement with the transfer fee. One of the Sunderland ITK's is well connected enough to say that Bent is interested in moving up to the Stadium of Light. Villa the only other interested party. We all know this is on the cards because far too many people have spoken about it - online and in the press. I bet it ends with an 'undisclosed fee' and Bent grabbing 20 goals for them next season.

As for Keane, we can only wait and see, but when offered, Quinn was not interested in accepting our generous gift that would come with a hefty asking price and a ripe old age.

Bale was also apparently offered to the Black Cats. Another rumour that the Spurs ITK's shared with us several weeks back. I'm hoping that part is not true.

He's been whoring himself in the media talking about being out of contract and willing to listen to offers.

"You want a good chairman and a great manager – it doesn't matter if he is coming into the game or is vastly experienced. You want stability. I'm aware [of interest] and it's nice to know that. I'm sure people come back from their holidays and have a week or two and start to see what they've got and hopefully deals can start moving." - Sol Campbell

The ridiculous is being suggested. Judas. Back to Spurs. On a free.

What next? Benedict Arnold being crowned the 'Greatest American in history'?

It would appear the sun is melting minds as well as ice cream. The ITK rumour suggests we are interested because we wouldn't have to pay a transfer fee. The irony of this...it burns, it burns. All we need now is Sky Andrew to get involved and we're set to go.

Are the ITK moles this desperate to claim prediction gold? He'd never come back. We'd never take him back. It's bullshit. There's more chance of me making made passionate love to Daniel Levy, on a bed made up of copies of the Opus in the centre circle at White Hart Lane wearing nothing but the yellow-streaked home shirt with 'WEST HAM ARE A BIGGER CLUB THAN US' printed on the back.

(To clarify...zero chance. Sorry Dan).

In other related news.

O'Hara is on his way to Fulham and Adel is set to stay and fight for his place. Far more realistic sound-bites, but this is now the 3rd or 4th time the deep throats at the Lane have passed on this information.

The only factual news relates to Zokora, as Sevilla once more (apparently) pull out of a deal.

The perpetual waiting game drags on...

In an interview over at West Ham Till I Die, Scott Duxbury has once more reiterated that they will not sell any of their players to us. Their fans do not want to see their best players sign for their most bitter local rivals. Nothing more sickening apparently.

What a melter.

The day a player of the ilk of Palacios or Modric turns us down and signs for them instead is the day that the word 'rival' can be used with much deserved acclaim in response to what we think of them. That and if Chelsea and Arsenal suddenly cease to exist.

I know what you're going to say, the very fact that I'm mentioning this is giving credence to the fact that I must care enough to mention it in the first place. I guess I'm only doing it to once more remind the people who do care (guess who) that they are the ones who perpetuate this demented obsession.

We're a bigger club than West Ham much like we are bigger than Fulham or Pompey. It's not arrogance, it's fact based on about a hundred different things (talk amongst yourselves). Much like Manchester United and (unfortunately) Arsenal are bigger than us. That's life as it currently stands. I'd say it to any Fulham fan too. Not with abuse or disrespect. But with a factual nod and hug.

I guess I'm now perpetuating the stereotype that the 'ammers see as our demented obsession.

I guess by virtue of this type of banter, we are rivals of sorts. Like the neighbour a few doors down with the smaller garden claiming that his is better than ours because he has more garden gnomes than we do...with us shouting back that we never said we've got a better garden but now you mention it...

If that's the case, I'm getting my suit measured for the Cup final.

So, I'm sitting here tucking into a tuna salad (I'm on a health kick at the minute) discussing the state of football at work. The Man Utd fan is overwhelmingly disillusioned with the game (damn you Fergie and your relentless quest for silverware).

He's not renewing his season ticket (he's a proper manc by the way - not a Surrey dweller - who lives and works in London but travels up for most games). He's a little sick of all the greedy money obsessed players. The Ronaldo saga is obviously a sticking point, but more so Carlos Tevez who will be (probably) joining Man City, not for the money, but because of the football as United have failed to make him feel part of the furniture at Old Trafford. I'm guessing Carlos will be part of City's five man strike-force including Bellamy, Robinho, Santa Cruz and Elano. No bench warming for the Argentine then.

In all likelihood Elano won't be part of the set-up next season. I can only pray and sacrifice a Chirpy effigy to the footballing Gods that Harry doesn't look towards Eastland's with a cheeky £15M bid for mad man Craig.

Even with the high tax rate taking a bite out of their wage packet (some of the poor blighters are only bringing home £40,000 a week after tax) they can rest assured that there is still legal room to wriggle around in. Much like City are doing at the moment with the Eto'o personal terms negotiations.

Little clubs like us will struggle to compete. Logistically, there ought to be no difference between us and City with regards to what we can offer players in the way of ambition. But as seen with Gareth Barry (who decided against Champs League with Liverpool or possibly Arsenal) money talks. Eto'o has no reason to sign for us. Not because we are not in Europe like City but because we can't offer £250,000 a week or sign other players of similar ilk for similar wages.

I guess the issue at the heart of the no-limit ethos is around the argument as to whether players are ambitious and prefer to join a team that can challenge from the off (or near enough) rather than a club that will not be able to attract world class players. So if you want to challenge, you need to remove the hurdles in front of you and only attempt to jump the one at the end. It's a short-cut, that may or may not work. What's ironic, and suggested to me by the manc, is that Spurs are a prime club for a billionaire.

Rather than spend £15M on several decent players which don't always pan out too well, why not make massive ridiculous bids for 'superstars' and just go for the Top 4 jugular with a razor sharp short-cut?

But alas, we are safe from such dramas. And it all feels a little too superficial. Too easy. Not that it is, but it's easier. But how would we react if it happened? Fans always scoff at the prospect for reasons I've already given. But would it be ok because we have a far more richer history than the likes of City? Or would that be an excuse to appease ourselves from the hypocrisy?

You will probably find that the hunger for success will out weigh everything else in the end.

Such is life.

We cursed Chelsea for doing something similar when Roman pumped his millions into the club. But they were already a Champs League side, and the attraction there for players was mainly down to the fact that they appointed the Special One. Who only signed on because he knew he'd have plenty of money to play with and that players would join because of his reputation. Chelsea without the money is not the same proposition. If you look at the pre-Roman days, they did more than well and signed plenty of big name players - but they were still way off the pace of title winners.

We might be in a better position with our wage budget, in comparison to our prior generosity. So say the rumours and having terminated the reserve side, there is more money in the kitty than usual to spend on first team affairs. More money, but nothing stratospheric. Meaning we are not in the same league to compete with City purely on the side of contract offers (imagine City with money AND Champions League).

But all this shouldn't cause mass depression. The Utd fan is just pissed off because modern day players are more detached than ever. But we all know this already. It's nothing new. But rather than clubs striving to match their fans expectations through the traditional ways, the option for whoring themselves out to billionaires who want a plaything seems to be the only viable desperate solution to play catch-up and catch-up fast.

As for me?

I'm undecided about City and whether I want them to do well.

Usually, outside the Top 4, we attract the most hype in off-season with transfers. In fact, we probably get more coverage than they do as we are firm favs of footballing agents and lazy journalism. We've been linked to around 80 players so far this season (if not more). At a guess, only 10 (maybe less) of them are possible genuine targets. Regardless of the stats, the pre-season dark horse tag is usually shared between us and Everton. Mainly because we splash out millions. But things have changed. City are now the team to watch as they go in search of cracking the monopoly.

So the pressure is off for a start. Hughes will have to produce the goods and man-manage with confident skill to keep all his superstars in check. It won't be easy. But they are buying up decent players, not just offensive by also defensive.

If they break up the top 4 then one of the current elite will re-join the peasants. Which would be more than humorous as that would place (the de-throned club) on our level, and they will suffer more so because of the dip in money and attraction stakes. But the consequence of this is that City will cement their place by spending even more money and being able to attract even bigger stars because of their newly gained position.

I'm undecided because from the perspective of ambition, how can we ever expect to break into the Top 4 if someone else gets there first?

And what's worse? City, buying their way into the Top 4 or Everton, spending little and getting there on a tiny budget? The latter would qualify as football justice IMO, but would have us asking questions about our obvious mis-management with our endless £15M purchases.

So do I want City to succeed? Or do I want Hughes sacked before Christmas with City bottom half?

I've decided. I simply want us to finish above them. At least that way Noel and Liam will be even more miserable than usual.

Morning all.

I promise not to be grumpy this week. Well, not much. And I know what some of you are thinking. Here he goes again, complaining about the home shirt with the yellow streaks. Well you'd be right. I found this piece of blurb on the official website under the New Kit 09/10 section, accompanying the new home shirts:

This is the new Spurs Home Shirt for the season 2009/2010. This shirt merges traditional Spurs colours with a very modern and striking design. The white has been the main colour of Spurs kits since 1898, while yellow was worn by a multitude of Spurs hero's over the last 4 decades of the 20th century. This shirt is a true merger of the wonderful heritage of the club with a modern twist.

Merger? Modern twist? Please, do me a favour. Ok, let's translate:

This is the new Spurs Home Shirt for the season 2009/2010. Rather than keep with tradition and history we've decided to add a colour that has no place on the home shirt to create a lemon mousse tinge leaving us looking a like Leeds United. The white has been the main colour of Spurs kits since 1898, while yellow was worn by a multitude of Spurs players over the last 4 decades of the 20th century, on the away shirt because traditionally that’s the colour we wear away from home, thus making it the away shirt. We couldn't come up with anything creative so we thought we'd re-write the past.

But let's not fret.

I think it's been discussed enough now, and we all agree - the people who like it will buy it, the rest will prefer to look elsewhere (both away shirts are superior IMO).

But there's another choice.

Spurs have redeemed themselves with a sublime training top, which is far far superior to the home shirt design and would have made a perfect fit for it too. It's even got a little yellow on it, in far more inoffensive areas of the design. Would be even better without the yellow bits, but it's a training top, so it’s understandable why they've been included. Ironic that a training top actually has less yellow on it and in less prominent places than the home shirt does (damn that modern twist. I need to get me a flux capacitor and back out of the past).

Here it is:

Smart. Simplistic. Slick. Stylish. Spurs.

I'd actually consider buying this. Yes, you heard me right. It's a classy design with no need for dramatic unnecessary streaks or flashes. It's minimalistic. But it's definitively Tottenham.

And for a bit of pro-Spurs commentry here (to knock you off your seat), most of the 2009/10 training/tracksuit range are better than great. Well done to the club and Puma for that.

And that's that for now. Hopefully today and the rest of the week does not turn out to be another slow news day. Not long before the transfer window opens now...

Hello. Muggy weather today. Muggy headlines too. The one that has probably caught your attention is the rather dramatic headlines suggesting Spurs might be docked points for shady transfer dealings. Daily Mirror and The Sun are amongst several covering the story.

The Saint Sky Andrew, the paragon of truth personified in the form of a football agent, has won a high court ruling in his favour to cite phone records for evidence to establish whether several key people (Levy, Storrie, Redknapp) were contacted at any stage in the midst of the transfer that took Defoe to Portsmouth.

For those who don’t know, Jermain had sacked Andrews and was without an agent. Mitchell Thomas (unlicensed) acted as an adviser with Stuart Peters (rep from Spurs) helping the transfer on.

Ok, someone’s going to have to explain a few things to me here because I’m a little confused. What does this have to do with Spurs potentially having points deducted?

Andrews is upset that he was cut out of the deal. Wrongly cut out. Surely this is an issue between Defoe and his former agent. If payments by either Spurs of Pompey were made to anyone (legally) then the most probable reason Andrew didn’t get a penny was because Defoe sacked him before the deal happened. Am I missing something here?

I can’t say I understand the logistics of these types of dealings between clubs, with player + ‘representatives’ in the middle. If the underlining argument here is that Thomas is unlicensed and played a bigger part than he’s legally allowed – I still don’t get why Spurs are liable. The player was leaving Spurs and signing for Portsmouth. He played for them and not us after the deal was concluded. Sorry, pointing out the obvious there, but it seems to have been ignored by the press coverage.

Only two words come to mind. Sour grapes. Andrew was cut out and thus missed out on a cut. What's wrong Sky? You spunked all the millions you made from the deal that took Campbell across to the cesspit?

If anyone understands the complexities, please share.

Elsewhere...

Blackburn have been linked to Ruud van Nistlerooy. Gone a bit quiet hasn’t it, our raid on Madrid? Our interest in Ruud has cooled, and I heard whispers a day or so ago that Klass-Jan Huntelaar is being looked at by United. At least we can now all rest easy with the news that Cisse is on his way to Panathinaikos. That alone is worthy of cracking open the champagne and hiring out an escort girl for at the very least, two hours. The news that Daniel Levy wants at least £18M for Darren Bent will spoil the party and have you rolling up your sleeve and tapping a vein.

Now I know that the transfer market has turned into a complete joke in recent times and we are just as guilty as one or two other clubs for paying out over inflated fees. We did it with Bent in the first place bringing him to the Lane for £16M. Then again, maybe we shouldn’t panic too much. Anything you read anywhere should be taken with a pinch of salt. I guess if Sunderland want £20M for Jones then Bent’s value is more near the £25M mark. In reality, £10M – £12M for Bent is more likely (he’ll score a bundle for a club that will accommodate him). Jones isn’t worth more than £6M and I pray Harry keeps well clear.

The alleged Huddlestone bids have been rejected, allegedly. I’m so glad we have clarity on that. Spurs are refusing to sell him. Using the ITK formula to create insight, this means either we are playing hard-ball and want more for him than the £8M offered or we rate him and simply won’t sell. Thank me later for setting that one straight.

Changed your mind on the yellow-flashed home shirt yet?

Over 2000 people have signed the petition. Club don’t care, and I guess neither do I as long as we do well on the pitch. But the point being made (by myself and the 2000) is that we dislike the yellow streaks. Its feedback being offered to the club, much like when they send us surveys by e-mail about what we might think about the idea of having Tarquin seats installed at the club. We are simply having a say.

Finally, we are in pole position for Bassong. He’s the ‘player to join Spurs’ player of the week. It's the second time he's been on the rotation. Tinged with irony this one. Mainly because he is yet another ‘player of the moment’ type of signing that we do so very very well with being linked with. And £15M is the bog-standard Levy approved offer that works like magic when we desperately want someone (Bentley the key example).

Only exception to the rule has been Palacios who has looked every bit a £14M player. Modric too. And Bassong did look tasty last season, but then again, so would I at the heart of Newcastle’s defence when surrounded by so many hopeless teammates.

Afternoon.

This is one of those 'what I'm currently reading' type of blog posts. I like to share the wealth.

Who: HoofHarted
Date: 25 June 2009
Site: COYS

The Transfer Windows opens next Wednesday.

I can confirm there will be activity at THFC within the first week, both players arriving and players leaving.

I am not going to name, names, in case of jeopardising any potential deal, except to say most of the names have already been mentioned on here.

- The most important piece of ITK info this week (so far), collected in a thread over at GG.co.uk with various other gems. Also, expect tomorrow to arrive at some point soon. Keep an eye out for the moon followed by the sun.

"For Tottenham, it is a fixture of far greater significance, a match against a key rival that, over the years, has emerged from Tottenham's shadow and started to stake a claim to replace them as London's third biggest club"

- The Games Gone Crazy, a West Ham United blog about Tottenham, talking about the rivarly between us and the 'ammers. Bless. I'm not going to link to the article or the blog. You can easily find it in amongst the Tottenham News Now listings.

"Sadly for Arsenal fans, their club haven’t been able to sustain the success they enjoyed as our rivals, failing to win back to back titles under Wenger and reaching just one European Cup final. They have been “in transition” since 2005, like United were, however they haven’t managed to develop out of this period yet"

- The Republik of Mancunia tells it how it is. Transitional Arsenal? Alas, they have no need to fret. They have the kids. You know the kids, right? They had them last year and the year before and the year prior to that one. In fact they always have the kids. I'd expect to find Peter Pan playing in their academy side, kidnapped from Never Never land and now living in Never Again land.

Zing.

"Tottenham want Reo-Coker?! Is that official or supposed ITK's? It saddens me to say as I really thought he would go far but he is an English version of Zokora. He had so much potential when he burst onto the scene - the fact he captained every club he played for, especially us at his age shows that - but he has just never kicked on like he should of. Majorly frustrating when you see him make an unbelievable tackle inside his own box, power his way past the opposition three quarters of the way up the field and let himself down with a wayward 10 yard pass. If he can't do it now, I don't think he ever will"

- The progression of Harry Redknapps side discussed here, including some decent insight from an almost decent West Ham fan concering the rumours of Reo-Coker signing for Spurs. You can't see me, but I'm shuddering.

Morning all.

As you will no doubt have seen, the kits have been launched with a rather snazzy presentation on the official site. No surprise that the leaked designs have turned out to be spot on. Drum roll....

I have utterly no idea what the lines/track marks are meant to be on the side, but regardless - it's a decent shirt.

So that's that. The people who like it will buy it (the home shirt). The people who don't wont. No doubt, as long as we are winning, we can be playing in white bin bags for all I care, and I'll be more than content. It's just a shame that some fruit-cake thought it best to add those streaks in.

How about a nice limited edition all white home shirt for the purists?

COYS and all that jazz.

With the deepest heart felt apologies to Eminem and his trademark "Stan" track which tells a story of an obsessed fan who writes to the rapper without (initially) receiving a reply.

Chorus: (Harry Redknapp)

Juande's tapas has gone cold and I'm wondering why..
he got two points from eight games
The morning rain clouds up his window and still..
two points from eight games
And then he's sacked and I take over
put my picture on the wall
It reminds me, that I'm so great,
I'm so great..


[Spooky]
Dear Mr Levy, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my mobile, my email, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in May, along with an effigy you must not have got 'em
There probably was a problem with security or the postmen
Sometimes they just throw out my parcels when I drop them
But anyways; fuck it, what's happening dude? How's the ground re-development going?
I can't wait for the new eco stadium, gonna leave us all crowing
So what you up to at the minute? Should we expect to sign Downing?
I'm only joking, if we sign him I think I might cry and consider drowning
I'd rather stick my head up my arse and taste my own browning
Can we not try and sign someone else instead?
Ashley Young would be better than having myself ending up dead
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even hide out in your garden in the shrubbery and watch you tan
I got a room full of your photos and pictures that I took
I like the old work you did with ENIC too, that shit was off the hook
Anyways, I hope you get this, and mail me back,
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan, let's talky
This is Spooky


Chorus: (Harry Redknapp)


[Spooky]
Dear Mr Levy, you still ain't called or wrote, does your PA never take a sodding note?
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer your phone
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside the Lane,
you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Damien
That's my little effigy, he looks just like the Frenchman
We waited at the West Stand entrance for you in the rain,
four hours and you just passed us leaving us in pain
That's pretty shitty man - just like Pavlyuchenko
If you don’t sell him and that useless Bent I swear I'll go flipping mental
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to
Remember when we met at the AGM - you said if I'd write you
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I never rated Martin Jol neither, he was Dutch decay;
he used to always choke in the big games and we'd always get slay
I can relate to what you're saying in your match-day notes
So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and read them to myself
Cause I don't really have much else other than a blog and twitter to help me when depressed
I even got a tattoo of your face across my chest
Sometimes I even shave my head to see how good it looks
It's like adrenaline, the shine is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real in those official statements and I respect you cause you tell it
Other blogs and forums are just jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But they don't know you like I know you Dan, no one does
It's not your fault David Bentleys lost his buzz
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Spooky -- P.S.
We should share a bagel soon


Chorus: (Harry Redknapp)


[Spooky]
Dear Mister-You're-Gonna-Get-My-Burning-Season-Ticket-Thrown-At-Your-Door,
this'll be the last fucking effigy I ever send your arse, it's war!
It's been Christ knows how long and still no word - I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect…Bill Nick Way 748 High Street
So this is my mobile phone recording I'm sending you, I hope you see and hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the High Street
Hey Daniel, I drank ten cans of Holsten, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Chas'n'Dave, "Ossies Dream"
About that guy who's knees go all trembly on his way to Wembley?
And Ricky scored that goal in the replay and we won?
That's kinda how this is, you could have played a blinder and rescued me from drowning
Why the fuck do you persist in wanting Stewart Downing?
Now it's too late - I'll even buy the new yellow streaked home shirt, even if its fucking lousy
and all I wanted was a letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped ALL of your naked pictures off my bedroom wall
You're not keeping an eye on Harry, he re-signed Chimbonda, think about it,
you ruined it for everyone now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
and when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE about it. Why did we sign him, when we can live without him?
See Daniel; {*screaming*}
Shut up bitch! I'm trying to talk!
Hey Daniel, that's Chirpy screamin in the trunk
But he ain't too good, I dropped an Opus on his head
Cause a hostage ain't a hostage if he's completely dead,
Well, gotta go, I think I'm almost at the Spurs Shop now
Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out?


{*car tires squeal*} {*CRASH*}
.. {*brief silence*} .. {*Police siren in the distance*}


Chorus: (Harry Redknapp)


[Daniel Levy]
Dear Spooky, I meant to write you sooner but I've been quite busy
I'm glad you like the stadium plans, it will make the gooners dizzy
Look, I'm really flattered you spend so much time outside the ground
and here's an autograph from Robbie Keane, he's sound
He wrote it on a programme
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the Lane, I must have missed you
Don't think I did that intentionally just to disrespect you
But what's this stuff about your little effigy?
I say that's just slightly off-key
Come on now - you don't want yourself banned and have to plea
You got some issues Spooky, I think you need some counselling
To help I'll put your name down in the raffle for an Opus, you're bound to win
And what's the issue about us signing Stewart Downing?
That type of attitude makes me not want us to meet each other
I really think you need to stop being so damn bitter
Because with Stewart we are purchasing box-office glitter
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time before you hurt yourself,
I think that you'll be doing just fine, if you relax a little,
I'm glad I inspire you but Spooky why are you so confused?
Try to understand, stop throwing frozen shit pellets from afar
And I don't want you handcuffing yourself naked to my car
I watched this one bloke on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some bloke in N17 was drunk and drove his car into a wall of bricks
Had a man dressed as a chicken tied up in the trunk,
And in the car they found his phone with a video message he made, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about, his name was.. it was you
Phew!