Keane, 3-3-1-3 and Lily Allen's legs


Hands up if you're completely sick of all the images of happy joyful faces and ecstatic celebrations, dancing in the streets and the tearful singing that is constantly being played back on our television sets and printed in our newspapers? What an escape, hey?

The pesky High Court. Had to go ruin my day.

Elsewhere, and still off-topic, I'm left scratching my head how Karl Pilkington, without fail, always manages to get reception on his iphone4 - even in the middle of a desert. Oh wait, of course he gets reception, it's magic. Praise Steve Jobs. It's a working antenna abroad.

Yep. This is going to be a mess of a blog post. Enjoy.

If I'm honest, I'm really struggling at the moment to wrap my thoughts around this weekend (International Break fatigue) and the away trip to Fulham. Might have something to do with this head cold that is slowly but surely eating away at my concentration. I feel lethargic. Out of sorts. Completely lacking inspiration and focus. Hey, I'm Robbie Keane. Alas sadly, I don't even possess the energy to lift my hands up in the air and wave them around at great speed, shouting random indistinguishable Orish at anyone who dares look in my direction. Hey, I'm still Robbie Keane. Someone take me out back.

On the subject (might as well pretend this article has a point to it), for the person who called me a two-faced ungrateful fickle **** for turning my back on Keano - here's my response. I haven't turned my back. He turned his back on us. But this isn't about juvenile bitterness. Look, honestly hand on heart, he was my 'favourite' (hate that word) player at Spurs leading up and during the Berba era (that stunning one season). He was annoying at times what with his inability to convert one-on-one's where he was required to think or his unnecessary flicks and holding onto the ball for far too long types of high jinxs. But no doubting his goal-scoring record and the impact he had. He was not a world-class great player, but rather an outstanding Premier League player.

Whether his Anfield experience proved he wasn't that great actually other than being a perfect fit for Tottenham and nothing more - it's all pretty much redundant now. He lost the mojo that made him so productive for us in the past, and he came back out of desperation (paralleled by our desperation) half a player, less than half the player he was. I'm not dismissing or forgetting what he did for us prior to him joining one of his boyhood clubs. Just that it's all a bit tainted love now. It's like this Robbie Keane isn't the same person, so I don't feel guilty for not caring too much about the current version. Harsh? Perhaps. But it's nothing to do with being fickle. It's everything to do with wanting to move onto better things. Which is what Mr Keane thought we was doing by joining the Rafa revolution.

What else can I muse about?

My dad's birthday this Saturday. My kid bro is going to the Fulham game and I have to accompany the ball and chain and baby to the family mansion for food and drinks. Which is disappointing, from a selfish self-centred footballing blogging perspective as I won't be able to cover the game with minute-by-minute commentary. Which was the plan. I'll have to kick that off in mid-week when we play Inter. If I'm not lost in self-pity with man-flu, crying for soup, an extra-fluffy pillow and angels to gently, seductively sing 'Oh when the Spurs…' in my ears.

How about a half-arsed attempt at a Spurs/Fulham Preview? I can only muster up a preview of a preview, so that will have to do. 

I was thinking about Football Manager 2011 and tactics because I'm a fantasist. Spurs will be a joy to manage in the game what with Bale, Modric, vdV to name a few of our highly rated in-game players. Will probably look to sign Edin Dzeko as my forward. I'm thinking 3-3-1-3 formation (ala Marcelo Bielsa's Chile and formally and unsuccessfully at a World Cup gone by with Argentina). Attacking formation, pressing of opposition, high up pitch defensive positioning with masses of emphasis on the flanks.

So that would be a diamondesque:

(k) Gomes
(3) Corluka King Dawson (or Hutton/Kaboul King BAE) or whatever combo best suits the occasion
(3) Modric Sandro Huddlestone (on studded engine-powered roller-skate football boots)
(1) van der Vaart
(3) Bale Defoe/Dzeko Lennon

So that's three at the back, Sandro just ahead of them with Moddle and Huddlestone (neither central or left/right-centric) just behind a central vdV and then Bale and Azza in forward flank positions and Defoe or Dzeko up front. The formation would rely heavily on movement and fitness. Would no doubt decimate Fulham four or five nil if I hack the game using an editor and boost the players strength and stamina stats so they don't fade after the 70th minute mark. Wouldn't quite work in the real world, would it? A man can dream. Or perhaps with the aid of sleep deprivation, hallucinate.

Real life, the bane of my existence. 3-3-1-3 only in my head.  In football everything is complicated by the presence of the other team, so said Sartre. How right he was. Unless DAVSPURS is allowed to prep-talk post match and hand out drinks to the players. I'm pretty much certain all this ephedrine conspiracy talk is a cover-up for his demand and supply business.

And on the subject of reality, I'd be happy with an almost traditional 4-4-2 on Saturday, with perhaps vdV playing just off Crouch/Pav. For me, I just want us to play the strongest team possible (well, apart from King who will be required for damage limitation in the San Siro). Write off Inter away. Actually, let me re-phrase that. Inter away is the game where most would expect us to come away with nothing and many reckon we're going to get spanked. Prioritise the Fulham match and go to Italy and just play without pressure as expectancy should not weigh us down there, considering the odds will be stacked heavily against us. You never know, football. Funny. Old. Game.

On the subject of Fulham, I haven't mentioned Lily Allen for a long long time. What's with her long running obsession with over-sized heels that make her look like she has short stumpy legs? Or does she have short stumpy legs and the shoes make her look even more stumpy? It's like someone with a massive head wearing a massive top hat in an ill-fated attempt to deflect attention away from the massive head, but people still point and say, 'oh look, it's that bloke with a massive head and he's wearing a massive top hat, what a w*nker'.

Glastonbury Allen was far more appealing than the I'm in a Professor Green video singing just the chorus surrounded by tall fit beautiful women whilst I chav around wearing a giants patent shoes Allen. Glastonbury Allen was very Natasha Khan-ish. Which is ace in my book of stalk.

Okay, I know, she's (Allen) preggers at the moment, but I'm all about the pre-bump photos. So here's a thought Lily, stop ordering your foot-wear on-line and actually get to try them on in a shop before you throw your money away. A weapon of massive consumption indeed.

Let's end this. Bones now aching. Head beginning to spin. Gut churning. Need drugs of a legal nature to help breathe some life into my pale black bags under my eyes face.

Thoughts and prayers etc. Hold off the minutes silence.

Back from deaths door soon.