Close that (transfer)'s giving me a chill

The sooner this month of January is finished the better. Deciphering the tabloids (and broadsheets) logic when it comes to transfers is beginning to bore me. The truth is out there. It’s just buried under heaps of rubbish.

Whether it’s swapping Luka Mordic (22 years of age) for a defender in his mid-thirties or giving Aaron Lennon to Liverpool to allow for the return of Robbie Keane (along with writing off the debt owed to us from the Anfield club even though we’ve already re-signed Defoe who could never really play upfront with Keane anyhow)….it’s borderline fantasist paradise. 1 + 1 = 3.

Bale and Gio are surplus to requirements if you believe some quarters, suggesting that Spurs want to replace youth with experience. Which means in a few years we’d have to re-look at bringing in young players again for the future. The formula here is, if a player is young and is either not in form/just come back from injury/not playing on a regular basis – then he is not good enough, and thus will be sold. Therefore, link him to a move away every other week. There's always a chance it might actually happen, and if you've linked him to 5 different clubs, you're in with a chance to stamp one of those exclusive 'we broke the story' articles, basking in the glory that your information was sound, even though you made it up.

Agent talk? Guess work? Bit of both? You’ll find rumours and transfer scenarios of equal quality on any given message board. It’s a mess of a month.

Is the Lennon story simply Liverpool/Rafa testing the waters to see if we are stupid enough to lose a young lad with the world at his feet for a 29 year old who decided that the prospect of playing Champions League football was enough to write-off 6 years and leave the only true footballing home he had? Or is there credence in the story that Aaron wants to leave the club and move back up Northish? If Appiah is signed by us, then what happens to someone like Jenas? Palacios, Modric, Zokora, Appiah, Jenas, Huddlestone…that’s quite a selection headache. Although we’d be two short next year when the African Nations Cup is held, so depth is required which would mean selling players isn't. Still, anyone can see that one of these players will potentially fall victim to a Harry midfield cull because you can't keep 'em all happy. So, as Jenas is high profile, it makes sense to flog his name around as the player who will be sold on. Jose had him in his fantasy football team, so that surely means Inter will be after his signature. Can we have Adriano in exchange please? We need about eight strikers to climb away from the bottom three.

Darren Bents name crops up everywhere. Apparently, with Michael Owen injured, Newcastle are looking at Darren as the man to save them from the drop. Nobody has said this other than someone who wrote up an article with no quotes or suggestions of truth. So naturally, this would involve N’Zogbia/Viduka coming to Spurs as part of the deal. Naturally. Maybe Owen faked his injury and is currently having a medical for Chelsea who are also signing Robinho for a cut-price £7M. Obviously.

In the past month or so, that hasn’t been a single eventuality that hasn’t been discussed in print or on SSN.

I don’t mind transfer gossip. As long as it’s within the realms of logistic reality. Digging through to find that 5% which is sprinkled with a little logic is no longer fun.

What is even worse is the alleged 'In the Know' people who claim to be connected in some way to the club or know people who work at Tottenham, and then pass on info in forums and message boards using a cryptic style that actually protects them if they happen to be wrong with their information. It's like an art-form. But it's nothing more than a parody of what's printed in the press. Fact is there are X amount of teams and X amount of players and it's not rocket science to sometimes take that 1 and take an other 1 and add them together to get a 2. And when one of these ITK characters gets it right, it's almost like he's done something akin to predicting the lottery numbers, with fans worshipping his oracle-like awareness of events before they happen.

Well thanks for letting us know something five minutes before we officially know it through the official site. Knowing it for those five extra minutes makes it so more satisfying.

Just a few days left now. And then we'll be back to reading Rafa rants and Wengerisims, Harry drafting his wife into the first team and Ronaldo linked with Madrid (that one is with us all year round).

3 days and counting...