He's a Tremendous Fraud

 

Dear Mr Levy,

We are but a handful of games into the new season and it's already evident that Mauricio Pochettino is a fraud. A tremendous fraud, stubborn till the end, destroying the very little hope he ever managed to muster up with his over-achievements. A 'yes man' doing it on the cheap for a chairman only willing to sign players he wants rather than what the manager requires. He hasn't overhauled the culture of the club from top to bottom. He's thrown a bucket of paint over it and his cowboy tendencies are beginning to show for all to see. There's no spurs on these here boots.

Let's face it, 'hope' along with 'belief' and 'passion' are nothing more than buzz words blurted out when the man in charge is incapable of producing the hard evidence of progression. Hard evidence equates to winning games, all the bits in-between are irrelevant. Enough with the poppycock about having to 'work towards it' and 'build up momentum'. It's a complete fallacy and a pain that we have to endure these repeated words and excuses. Since when do professional athletes need to 'warm up' and rediscover their form and fitness? Hotspur Way is meant to be state of the art. I see our players all enjoyed an ice bath recently. No wonder they froze in the Champions League.

The opening five games have deconstructed the clubs refreshed identity all the flat-earthers have banged on about since last seasons 'heroics'. There is no identity, there never was. Just luck and the harsh reality that last season every top side was utterly rubbish meaning the mediocre ones challenged. And out of the mediocre ones we still managed to come third. Scrap the ice bath. Best we get every player a sensory deprivation tank because they look completely at home with being detached, weightless and consciously dissolving.

Everton away. Draw. We should be beating them. Lucky to salvage a point.

Palace home. Just about won 1-0.

Liverpool home. Draw. We should be beating them. Lucky to salvage a point.

Stoke away. They're bottom and our performance therefore has to be dismissed. If possible I'd see us have the three points stricken off.

Monaco at Wembley. Loss. A team that I stated after the Stoke win would be different class compared to the Potters and after the 2-1 defeat it's obvious that if Monaco can beat us we really are in trouble. Have I contradicted myself there? Of course I have. I'm moving the goal-posts so I can be constantly disparaging about Tottenham Hotspur football club. The team I support. I meant the team that supports me in allowing my ego to foghorn negativity to my hearts content even if it makes utterly no sense. Did I just break the fourth wall? Who cares? They've only clicked in for the title of the blog only to click away a second later. 

Wembley, by the way, what a joke. This problem would not have existed had we secured Stratford. So what if 80,000 Spurs fans trudged their way there, all proud and hyped up. Who are these people, looking forward to frequenting a game of football? Grown men taking selfies on the walk up the way. Embarrassing. If you're not a child and you wore a white shirt on the night, shame on you.

Whatever happened to watching football without a hint of emotion and all other horrendous human weaknesses? Like smiling and being excited. Wembley is like paying a prostitute for sex. Shallow and cheap. You'll never have a real connection to it. Take my word for it. It's not a great experience. That's what she said.

We'll be back to Wembley next season to continue the misery no doubt. MK Don's was a far more viable option, a potential fortress because it's a small venue and geographically awkward to truly test the resolve of true supporters that would follow their club to the worlds end. Also, it goes against what the majority want, so naturally I object wholeheartedly with the clubs decision(s). 

And as for those results? Everton and Liverpool flying high? We should still be beating them because I simply don't do context or give credit to opposing teams. Is their form meant to prove how good our results were against them? Bah! No. It proves how far removed we are already from both Merseyside clubs.

Pochettino has lost his mind. First slating the players for their performances and then slating himself. He's turned the hairdryer onto himself and he's about to be blown away. He's now claiming the pre-season has in-fact impacted all our preparations and resulted in the criminal displays we've been subjected to. The team is simply being over-trained. I don't know what that means exactly but I'm making sh*t up so stick with me for the moment. We started the season slow last year round and we've done it again this time. How can the coach make the same mistake twice? It's scandalous! Enough of this 'it will take weeks to regain the fitness that saw us chase the title last season' b*llocks.  

It's obvious the players are tired of the same old drills. Yes, tired of having to compete to be the very best, with their two to three hour daily sessions. They are positively drained. The tank is empty and there's no petrol station in sight. They are being run ragged by a glorified PE teacher. Much like AVB. Much like Sherwood. Much like Redknapp. Basically, anyone that accepts the job of managing Spurs. I back them for a bit, then turn on them to fuel further hatred.

Why?

Because I use my blog as a reflector for my life and my failures and project them onto the only thing that could make me happy; football. And then I choose to destroy the potential for enjoyment from this single escapism by draining the soul out of it so everything is consistent. Being happy is for wishy washy liberals and Christians and people that 'do' friendships. Weirdos. 

There's also no creativity in the team at all. The few opportunities we do get, we have another fraud upfront doing his utmost in preserving our fragility. Harry The Myth Kane. Poch should bench him but that isn't enough. This isn't about having a balanced viewpoint that is clear in what is best for club and player. This isn't about keeping feet grounded when you could be windmilling into a crowd of opinions like a chimp with a machine gun. NO. If players are suffering from loss of form, shock and awe them back to life...or into oblivion. Kane, let's be honest, is a player of circumstance. A mechanically successful chancer who is now being found out. A cerebral hitchhiker that jumped onto a slow chugging thought-locomotive that was always destined to train-wreck into a haemorrhage. He's more predictable than my blogs.

I can not hang about waiting for coach and player(s) to wake up. I get paid for the right to complain and berate Spurs and their idiot fans and believe me, even if we do start winning games I'll still find a means to prove that everything is still a mess. Kane is a nodding dog to Pochettino's nodding dog to you - the supporter - another nodding dog. All brainless and incapable of achieving anything tangible. We're as good as our last game and we lost that. I don't care about last season and what came before that. Poch has pushed past his honeymoon period and he can no longer get it up. There's no magical blue pill to help either. It's too obvious a fix and his drug dealer refuses to supply.

I can't make any money from click baiting if it's all la la la la la love Tottenham like those self-congratulating bloggers that think they're all righteous by never daring to abuse and display defamatory desire. Balance is for hippies and happy-clappers. You're either one extreme of the spectrum or the same extreme of the spectrum if you want to make a noise people will hear. And I do not care for your opinion either, it's my blog and I shall police it how I wish and that includes patronising you into the middle of next week (where you'll probably find another blog from me cursing Levy).

Face it, this team has lost its ability to carve open the opposition because they never really had that ability to start off with. Opposing teams circumstantially poor at the right place and right time for us to pick them off. Take away all those last minute wins last season and we'd have finished outside the top four. Probably. I don't know, I've not got a calculator handy. The mentality of this team is non-existent. No will or drive.

There's nothing comparable to nastiness in the team either. I'm not referring to the type we witnessed at Stamford Bridge either. I didn't like that because we drew. You need to be nasty and in control not nasty and immature. Sod learning curves. We need to be bastards and win games and win all games and never lose. And if we do win, don't be content and joyful about it, look ahead at the potential of how we might f*ck it all up again.

Poch is an architect that is using crayons to complete his blueprints. He has no man-management skills, no motivational influence. These five games and the four from the back end of last season prove this beyond doubt. I know because every time I write about it, every single person in the comments section agrees and echoes the same sentiment. Anyone that doesn't...well, you'd never know because I've probably blacklisted them.

But go on, keep on 'believing' it will be alright just because we almost 'won the title' from the grasp of a mediocre team and qualified for the Champions League - a competition we're not good enough for but should be beating Monaco even though I rated them before the game but not after it. Shambles.

All these new contracts being dished out only cements our torture as we'll have to suffer the indignity of retaining the services of players that are about as productive as instructing a blind man to describe the Sistine Chapel. We're only signing all these players on long(er) contracts so we can sell them later on. Open your eyes. This is about finances and not football.

Lose or draw to Sunderland and our slow start out of the blocks will be solidified along with a season destined to collapse whilst our rivals continue to pull away. 

It will all end in failure. Daniel Levy will be at fault. Again. So just admit it the truth to yourself. And if by some miracle Spurs 'find form' (LOL, how can a team out of form find it when the man in charge doesn't even understand how he lost it to begin with) then I'll blog about something else to deflect. Like David Lammy and his links to the Illuminati and The Trust investing all those ten pound notes in human trafficking, to assist in the construction of cheaply made handkerchief sized flags that nobody can see when waved. Might as well wave your willy from the stands, in helicopter motion. There'll be more movement between your legs than what the Spurs midfield produce currently.

 

Yours I'm done

Tommy Tottenham

 

 

Typos and grammatical errors included for authenticity