The transfer negotiation between Spurs and Ajax...
Daniel Levy: That's my bid.
Ajax: It does not meet our valuation for the player.
Daniel Levy: Okay. I will raise it by one pound.
Daniel Levy: I will raise it by a further single pound.
Daniel Levy: I'd like to add another pound to the total offered.
Ajax: Someone get me a coffee.
Several weeks later...
Daniel: I raise the bid by another pound.
Ajax: No, I mean...hold on. Yes, okay. Accepted. You have met our valuation for the player. Now we must discuss the payment plan.
Daniel: Ten million carrier pigeons each carrying a pound coin on their back, blindfolded and with a drop of ketmaine injected into their...
Daniel: Tesco coupons to the value of the agreed transfer sum.
Daniel: Vintage Kenner Star Wars action figures, still wrapped in original packing to the value of the agreed transfer sum.
Ajax: Would that also include the Millennium Falcon from Return of the Jedi?
Ajax: Okay. Then my answer is no.
Daniel: Two crates. One crate has the full amount in copper coins. The other contains a box set of the full series of The Wire. You won't know which is which. Noel Edmonds will ask you to select and...
Ajax: Another coffee please.