Six reasons why the Parker pen has no ink in it

I’m struggling at the moment to think of anything relevant to write up for the blog. Not even inspired to go to town with a satirical spin on...whatever. See? I can’t even think of a target to aim at. I’ve landed so many body blows to the In the Know community, it’s almost become borderline obsessive. Such is my boredom I’ve began to study strange activity relating to people I follow on Twitter, fighting off random fits of paranoia. I’ll start worrying once the voices in my head subside. Or am I not meant to have voices in my head? I forget.

If we sign Scott Parker as back-up or as a replacement for Luka Modric I will kill myself. How’s that for a dramatic and a wholly unnecessary twist on attempting to light-up that missing fire in my blogging belly? By ‘kill myself’ I mean metaphorically speaking. I haven’t quite figured out the logistics yet. I was pretty much emotionless when I read the story at breakfast concerning how the Football Writers player of the year is holding out for a transfer to Tottenham. I spent the rest of the morning trying to hold in my breakfast.

Without access to Andy Gray’s interactive touch-screen technology (it’s probably sitting boxed up next to the Lost Ark of the Covenant in a warehouse) let me simplify it:

Modric. Sandro. Bale. van der Vaart. Huddlestone. Lennon.

That’s excluding bench warmers; Piennar, Kranjcar, Jenas, Palacios – amongst others.

Might as well elaborate.

So that’s six ‘first teamers’ that need to fit into either a four or five man midfield (depending on the main forward we have playing upfront with vdV just behind him if we opt for a 4-5-1 that actually works without glitches).

We’ve got a ton of games on the horizon. Rotation will play a part for sure (Rose and Walker cannot be loaned out and both can cover flank positions) and injuries will happen – it’s the hard unavoidable fact of life. We just have to hope it’s not to key players, but then when you have a side that is practically glistening with players you could tag as being vital and one or two that are beyond vital (they’ve got a skeleton key around their neck such is their importance of unlocking the opposition in offensive and closing the door shut back in defence) losing anyone will hurt.

However, Harry being Harry, you always get the feeling he quite can’t make up his mind. He spent a lot of time adjusting and changing last year where we lacked cohesiveness that meant fragmented consistency with the balance of the side. If you throw in another name, it’s going to lead to further tinkering.

That’s Parker or any other midfielder we’ve been linked with. How does one delegate priority if we signed him or Adam (Liverpool bound thank God) or <insert average player name here>?

Look at what we have.

Modric – Makes us tick, dinks and crafts and creates. Keeps the ball moving, recycles it with a touch of a Catalan.

Sandro/Huddlestone – One is better at defensive duties, breaking down play and chasing the ball with timely interceptions added for good measure. The other allows for another dimension to our play with disguised passes and cross-field fright for the opposing defenders. Both are swappable dependent on the opposition and the tactic for the game at hand.

Bale – Every so often we hear the quote ‘his future is at left-back’. Basically, the premise is that with a clever left-winger in front of him to allow for the over-lap, Bale is better suited in defence rampaging forward on said over-lap. I’d agree if Gareth was a better defender than he is a left-winger, which he isn’t. Which means sacrificing him to make way for some convoluted midfield selection is a no-go for me. BAE with Danny Rose covering left-back is the future. Three’s a crowd and all that.

Lennon – Is probably due another good clean and crisp season without the dips and lulls. Perhaps Kyle Walker will deputise as a RM on occasions to aid with progression in his development that will allow him to ‘do a Bale’ unless it’s already decided he’s ‘the future’ at right back meaning he covers Corluka (and we work out where best to play Kaboul – note how we have plenty of quality at the back but can’t seem to work out the best line-up). Regardless, Lennon is our outlet on the right. But is probably the one that would be sacrificed in that theoretical convoluted middle (with the chap directly below replacing him on the flank to make way in the middle).

vdV – If he loses the extra pounds he was carrying across the entirety of last season and also focus without distraction at leading from just behind the front and just ahead of the midfield (rather than losing himself in the depths just ahead of the backline) then his galvanising force will be even more telling. As long as the player just ahead of him is as good as he is. Unless of course a fully fit 90 minute version of Rafa is a fallacy.

Add a new one into the above fold, one that expects to be first choice, and you’ll have a congested bloated feast that will leave you holding your gut in agonising pain.

In a world of complexities and elaboration, I’ll go back to simplifying it. Any midfielder we sign has to be a replacement for one that currently warms the bench because we will not be selling any of our key players. Scott Parker might have endearing battle cry qualities (debatable in terms of when these qualities are applied successfully - does it count when it's at West Ham?) but at Spurs, is he a viable option simply because of circumstance? And if so, at what cost*?

*See all of the above.

If he's happy to sit the bench, I won't complain.

Guess I’m not struggling after all. I gone and wrote me a blog article.