I've managed to get hold of an exclusive 'leaked' ITK mock-up of what the Olympic Site redevelopment will look like if Daniel Levy and the club win the bid and progress with their plans. Exclusive. Not sure how much time I have before this blog article will be removed on advisement from my solicitors. Will fight the THFC lawyers and their court injunctions for as long as I can. I've also included the descriptions of the proposed additions to the area surrounding the OS which was included as part of the stolen image pack.
1 - Chirpy Towers. To dare is to Cock-a-doodle-doo do do do. Visit the state of the art Spurs Shop and enjoy delightful Michelin quality three course meals in Chirpy's slow rotating head allowing you to enjoy the amazing view of Canary Wharf and Newham, including our deadly rivals home ground; Upton Park. The exclusive Chirpy's EyeBalls penthouse dinner rooms can be booked in advance (premium required) where you can watch the whole game whilst sat at your table...if you prefer to avoid the hustle and bustle of the crowds down below.
2 - The World Famous Home of Stratford Hotspur® and Nandos. The Nandos Stadium. Our new sponsor and club badge thanks to a multi-million pound long term deal means you'll never go hungry for football...or chicken! You can find Nandos outlets inside the stadium and be sure to order the 'take it to your seat*' bucket before the game kicks off (*take it to the seat meal deal only includes a medium coke, for large coke, extra £4 charge, fries not inclusive). The controversial inclusion of red in the stadium name and team shirts is nothing to worry about. Remember, we wore red in our badge back in 1882/83 and a red shirt between 1890-1896. Both the replicas of these shirts are soon to be available in the club shop with our new clothing tagline: Hot for Spurs and proud of our heritage.
3 - Stratford Hotspur®. Home is where the Strat® is, and Spurs is stratting it's hot stuff all over North (eastish) London. You voted to move and we've embraced our local community, repaying their hospitality with a gentle nod of approval to our new surroundings. Location? Geography? Booooring. Why tie ourselves down to a place or a name when the Spurs brand is worldwide?
Stratford Hotspur®. Refined and redefining the game of soccer®. To Revenue is to Do®.
4 - Abercrombie & Fitch / Apple Store. Stylise your lifestyle, pre and post match. Sit down, stand up and look sexy doing so by picking up the latest trends in A&F. Or if you're tech savvy or wish to be, visit the Apple Store and download the Spurs application so you can get all the very latest information after you've already seen it on tv and the internet.
5 - Paul Smith. Another one of our exclusive partnered retail shops for essential football clobber and motifs. Use your season ticket 'card' for special discounts on a wonderful range of ties, shirts and shoes so you're always looking dapper whilst taking in the atmosphere.
6 - We are N17 Land. History is important and for those that wish to live in the past, wipe that tear away you melter and rejoice! We are N17 Land brings you the very best of the olde Tottenham High Road including Bill Nicholson's Gates*, the heritage buildings, littered covered and p*ss stained roads and shut down pubs and grubby food establishments. Win a free copy of The Opus here. Honestly, we have hundreds of them to give away so don't miss out!
*Gates open at 10am on Saturday match-days and 5pm for midweek for access to car park.
7 - Starbucks. You can have a coffee and a muffin on the day to calm those pre-match nerves in one of our coffee house outlets. Free wireless included in-store for the disconcerting fan who wishes to get fierce and do battle online via blogs and forums. So don't be forgetting your ipads!
8 - Slug and Lettuce. Pre-match drink? Over-crowding? Struggling to get to the bar? Look no further than the Slug! And to make certain, we have more than just the one for you to enjoy an alcoholic beverage and give you ample time to tweet your thoughts on the team selection. Pub crawling has never been this crisp and clean!
9 - Harry Hotspur statue. Remaining true to our rich heritage, included on the grounds is an amazing tour de force iconic bronze talking statue of seasoned traveller and warrior entrepreneur Harry Hotspur, who looks East towards Upton Park with menace and an ever so subtle hint of marching fearless into battle. Listen to him sing 'Glory Glory Stratford Hotspur' (debit card charge of £5 per chorus) and point towards deepest West Ham territory. The epitome of glory and progression standing the test of time, a true echo to our past that also retains a place in the future much like Hotspur's legacy that has enriched Northumberland, Tottenham and now Stratford.
10 - Replica Town. Be sure to visit the old fashion pre-match traditional walkabout. Get yourself some Caviar to go or a tuna salad at 'Seastar Fish bar'. Enjoy a sit down meal at Pavro Ocakbas Vegetarian Restaurant or if you've already eaten at home just order yourself a cocktail at the Bricklayers Wine Bar.
11 - Monorail. For our exclusive 'Platinum True Fan' members, get to and from the Docklands in the super fast Monorail sponsored by Bloomberg that will take you from your executive box straight back into the hub of the banking world within minutes. All other season ticket holders, club members and tickets purchased via general sale and on the day - please head towards Stratford station with plenty of time to spare to avoid congestion.
12 - Canary Wharf. Majestic, just majestic! The amazing backdrop on the horizon that will light up the sky on those Glory Glory nights making them that extra special.
You'll note all the Chirpy heads that are located around the ground. They crow if we win, and sing 'Can't smile without you' if we lose. Making sure we are pampering the emotive side of your journey into our world class arena experience. Directions to local shopping centres and words from our sponsors are also subliminally whispered from his beak.
Also, to commemorate the move to the new stadium and the soon to be concluded deal that will see AEG purchase the club and a proposed future franchise merger with LA Galaxy, Daniel Levy will present to loyal Spurs supporters a Monolith at the first home game to be played in Stratford as a thank you and a remainder of services rendered.