Spursy Wipe Extra

 

Dembele Ban

Okay, so firstly, regardless of who saw what, Mousa's punishment has to be accepted. Punishment was always going to be impossible to get away from. He sort of attempted to eye gorge and failed. This was hardly Game of Thrones, more like a drunk in a bar attempting to flick a fallen eye lash away from an attractive girl, only to gently scratch her make-up. A clumsy unnecessary mess. 

How does one even attempt to eye gorge?

Either you do or you don't. When you throw a punch, with your shoulder pushed back as you ready yourself to lunge forward, if that punch turns into a handshake was the intent still to hurt? Okay, sure, not quite the same thing. Yet it's not quite comparable to kicking out, a cheeky little elbow in the back or a head to head clash. These are all definitively what they claim to be. An alleged eye gorge isn't an eye gorge. It's a smothering. 

Mousa playfully tapped Costa in the eye. It was a playful tap of the eye. An eye tap. That's it. It doesn't matter though. The real reason for Spurs fans losing their shit is because of the inconsistency when compared pound for pound to other heinous incidents.

The official staring straight at it didn't see the incident. Hence why the FA stepped in. He was staring right at it by the way. If he was concentrating, Mousa would have been sent off. So...I guess...well done that man for day dreaming?

(light applause) 

Six games still seems a bit rough for it considering far worse happens on the pitch. I'm not talking about biting or racism. I'm talking about Eric motherf*cking Dier...AMIRITE?

I mean, look at it, with unbiased eyes (step back Mousa). He's gone in two or three times with crazy thrusting tackles all of which could have been so much worse, be it for fractions of seconds. All the officials saw the blood and thunder from Dier and he wasn't punished with a red. Sure, the difference is that with Mousa nobody allegedly witnessed it. But then what is this game we play? If the ref thinks it's okay on the field of play then it's not punishable off it. Sometimes? All of the time? Paradoxical really, as Dier was far more aggressive and threatening. But then football is played with legs and feet and not with eager to poke fingers.

Mousa took one for the team, Dier included. I'm glad Dele Alli wasn't playing. He'd have starved Fabregas and wore his skin like Buffalo Bill. 

Don't forget to tuck yourself in next time Alli.

 

Not one brick

So in the world of Tottenham, supporters hate on Daniel Levy and the club for the slow brooding build of the new stadium then hate on them when the club speed it all up. The sacrifice of one of the stands and a fair whack of season ticket holders being the current bone of contention. Along with Champions League games being played at Wembley (to obviously accommodate the missing thousands). Ooh, pure evil.

/little finger to corner of mouth

So do you want the stadium built or don't ya? 

Seriously. If it isn't pro-Archway or constant comparisons to other clubs in completely different situations, it seems that the fallacy that ENIC have no intention to finish the NDP is crawling into the shallow grave it dug up for itself.

OH NOES! Let's find something else to slag off. I know, The Trust. Those pesky biscuit eating jobsworths. 

 

What do we want?

FLAGS

When do we want them?

Next season, in the Park Lane, within the limitations stipulated by health an safety

 

Hey, it could be worse folks. We could have been the ones playing in Stratford next season. Imagine supporting that idea and not backing the one we've got to look forward to now, in N17. Imagine.

 

Post-mortem Revisited

Over the Southampton defeat yet? Time for another injection of philosophy, straight into those veins, so tap them hard. 

Everyone involved at Tottenham now believe they're a team that's capable of challenging. That's the tagline that sums up the season and our on the field accomplishments relating to the football. What we have, what we've gained...feet on ground for this...it's the entry level mindset. We are only doing what really good teams do, so starved off consistency and backbone, it seems revolutionary compared to the past. To be better than this mindset (as grand as it is) means we have to actually win things. Produce the end product. Silverware forges a winners mentality (which actually means more than simply aspiring for a winning mentality).

We need to now consolidate all this belief and refine the intent by producing high standard football at peak moments of pressure. When we do this, we then shift up a further level. It won't stop there. We would then have to learn how to protect what's ours from those chasing after us. And so on.

The point is, just because we've fallen short doesn't mean we can't stand tall and keep improving. Thinking 'we've made it' is the mistake of amateurs. Feeling entitled is equally hazardous.

Look at this season. It practically chronicles the first evolutionary step. It rarely falls into place straight away. Okay, it did for Leicester City. Fairy-tales don't follow protocol. It might have been us. It sort of almost could have been. Had it been, it would have solidified that winners mentality bit and helped reach those higher levels.

We'll find out how strong their resolve is and how much further ours can be stretched next season. 

 

Final Day

So if Sunderland beat Everton, Newcastle United are relegated. This means in the final game of the season, we can go to their patch and look to take advantage of their deflated souls as we push to draw or better still, win and do so handsomely. That's right, right?

No?

Oh.

So you're saying if they get relegated with love by Sunderland then they'll have no pressure on the final day and might even relax and give their home fans something to cheer before they drop down a division?

Oh.

You mean we're going to lose simply because we sold them Andros Townsend and he's bound to cut in from wide and launch an absolute worldly screamer that leaves Hugo flapping in the wind as they beat us?

Is there any scenario where we win the game regardless of the oppositions state of mind?

No?

Surely if Newcastle have to win it suits our counter attacking style? They might even bottle it, get all nervous.

No? 

Why?

Yes, I did see us against Southampton.

Oh. I see what you mean.

What's that? The FA have conspired to have Arsenal play at home on the final day against Aston Villa to make certain our fate is sealed for yet another year to add to the two decades of despondency?

Why you hate us football? Why?

 

Fergie and Poch sitting in a tree

So Pochettino is on his way to Manchester United. Confirmed by the prestigious tabloid, The Sun, who got exclusive photos of a secret meeting where Mauricio and his assistant had food in Mayfair with Sir Alex Ferguson. Obviously the invisibility cloaks are not working too well. Maybe they should ask Jack Wilshere for the one he uses, it works perfectly even in wide open spaces.

I do love the photo. Poch looking shady, briskly walking away. Look at the guilt on his face! Just look! The photographer has captured the moment, it's undeniable. Mans on his way to Manchester. 

Then there's Fergie, looking all smug. Because he never looks smug. 

Are you all reading between the lines yet? 

Why would he go out for a meal with a friend? When does that ever happen? It's Fergie and the current Spurs boss. Together. Clandestine. Not because it's a secret but because it's out in the open. It's a brilliant ploy, make them think there's nothing going on by flaunting it in public. That old chestnut.

If they're only friends enjoying each others company, what's Perez doing there? Is he the chaperone? Is he Pochettino's Kevin Bond?

Also, take a look at the photo to see how it's been expertly analysed. Poch is circled in the third image providing ample evidence that his head has shape-shifted into a ball of hair, obviously to disguise himself as he makes his escape.

GUILTY!