The List

 

A list of some of the low points of the season. It's okay, read this and you'll want to drink or get high so there's a positive to be had.

 

 

Losing to Arsenal three times. The first time they finished the game with six defenders. The second time we turned up with a kid in midfield that should have been sent off for a stamp and then watched Danny Rose self-capitulate. The third time they got lucky - proving that regardless of how they perceive their own under achievements, we're always there to make them look good. Although they looked like the  ****'s they are in that selfie

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Losing to West Ham United three times. Let that sink in for a moment. This is like an adult going to the park, jumpers for goalposts, and letting his three year old daughter triple nug-meg him before she wheels away in celebration to the ice cream van. Well done Spammers, what an absolute gem of a trophy - defeating the 'worst' Tottenham team of the past five years whilst sitting 20 and some points below them in the table. Another glorious chapter for the history books

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Thrashed by the sides perceived to be our peers (or thereabouts before the season kicked-off) having spent several years fixing that tragic non-existent record against the seasoned 'top four'. Blame the lack of methodical astuteness in perpetration but please do not ignore the application of the millionaire footballers too busy with Instagram to bother with the basics. You know, stuff like self-pride and desire

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Signing £100M (and not a left-back in sight) worth of players that the existing coach couldn't quite grab a handle on and then see the interim coach dismiss several of them out of hand as not being good enough (or not recognising them from You Tube) whilst contradicting himself in a web of hypocrisy that on the one hand has him admit he wont be the boss post-summer and on the other cry foul play that coaches are tapping themselves up for 'his' job. In the mean time, Levy and Lewis might need to book in another Bahamas trip to see if they can eclipse the hope birthed last summer. Go on lads, get your tops off on that yacht again. Let's just be grateful it won't be van Gaal gripping his balls in the sunshine. Actually, I only wish it was

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Sending Lewis Holtby out on loan having signed him earlier than planned a season prior (and paying a fee for it)  thanks to desperation because of depth squad issues and then use him as a utility player from that point on - rendering his individualistic traits clouded and redundant for Spurs and then sending Lewis Holtby out on loan having signed him...

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Goal difference of top seven clubs: 63 - 50 - 43 - 25 - 20 - 1 - 21. Single digit glory.

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The clubs persistence with dancing around the Yid word controversy to the point where the the supporters back it as a ruling majority (via the third party survey THFC sent out to season ticket holders) yet still have them tell us that the newly respected minority are offended by its use. The conclusion being that now the word within the context of Spurs fans using it is not deemed punishable in court, the club now want to concentrate on what offends people and attempted to eradicate it with this new founded argument

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The amount of players we have that are meant to be really good and yet we don't have a clue in how to utilise them (Dembele, Paulinho, Holtby, Chadli, Soldado, Capoue and so on) with the accompanying mental collapse mindset that has seen our recent solid spirit and team morale crumble quicker than a badly baked tea cake

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Having to deal with a manager with zero top flight experience talk the talk when he hasn't even endeavoured to walk the walk. Technically speaking he's just about crawling. At least he's a decent dribbler. If the seasons capitulation wasn't enough, he's given us running commentary for half of it on why everyone and everything is useless. Except himself; the oracle of truth napalm, carpeting bombing our senses to dust. Best win ratio % of any Spurs manager. Worst loss ratio % of any Spurs manager.  Pick one, then foam at mouth

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Spurs fans that still persist in either:

a) Looking to the past and AVB, a coach that broke Spurs but also broke himself whilst being broken by Spurs. It's like when Bane broke the back of Batman in the comics and Bruce Wayne recovered in South American but Andre has ventured to Zenit for his recuperation - a club that share with equal measure of delight moody videos of their coach walking through the woods and aberrantly racist supporters

b) Persistently mention and compare everything to AVB's tenure in crude attempt to avoid admitting that Tim Sherwood (a celebrated appointment in their eyes when it happened) is pretty much as defunct as the person he replaced, but God forbid Spurs fans seek a call to arms when protecting their own agenda and ego is of far more prevalent importance