The Six Stages of Kubler-Ross-Bale

Denial  

Nah, mate, no chance of Bale leaving. Madrid can't afford him and he's happy at Spurs. Got a newborn and settled in England. He's the face of BT Sport, Lucozade, FIFA14 and Under Armour used him on a billboard on Times Square. Few years left on his contract, innit. He's Spurs. Anyways, Ronaldo's ego would mean there's no room on the pitch for Gareth. This is all just part of our special relationship with Madrid. They're helping us maximise the Tottenham brand across the world. It's genius! Genius!

Anger 

Who the **** do Madrid think they are? If it's not Perez mouthing off, it's Zidane tapping up. Then you've got Marca printing nonsense, Sky Sports quoting Marca, every anti-Spurs pundit under the sun and in The Sun slating us, saying Bale has to move. What is wrong with this country? Fighting to keep Suarez here but willing to broker Bale to Spain? As for Barnett, don't get me started on him! Bale should speak up, tell us he's not interested! All of this is just lies! He's not for sale, so just **** off!

Bargaining 

£100M? If its £80M up front, well, that's hardly going to hurt us, is it? And Bale, he might get injured, never recover fully and not be worth anywhere near that amount. He'll fancy the move now just in case it's his only chance and we'll fancy the money now just in case we're never offered it again. It's not like we've been shy in the window so far. And if Bale really wants it then his head has been turned, so what's the point in keeping a player that no longer wants to be here? ENIC can't say no to £100M. They just can't. It's good business for the club. We only signed him for £7M.

Depression 

We've gone from feeding Manchester United, to feeding Real Madrid. I guess that makes us the most prominent nursery club in world football. Actually, no, Arsenal can claim that with City. Great. They finish above us again. Can't believe we're going to lose Bale and be left with no game-changing superstar in the side. Kiss goodbye to any chance of Champions League. Back in our box. Pretenders, never contenders. Our soul is about to be sold and once again the usual suspects will challenge whilst we falter, several places behind. Forever chasing a dream, forever living a nightmare.

Acceptance  

He's gone. Got to be. Just a question of when and for how much. We'll be okay. We are Tottenham. We've lost players before, we move on, we claim new heroes. Then we lose them and move onto the next one. Just the way it is. No loyalty with player any more. Only loyalty in the stands. No player is bigger than the club and the supporters are the club. Crest on the front of the shirt is more important than any name on the back of it.

Positive knee-jerk

LIKE **** HE'S GOING! AVB SAID HE ISN'T AND LEVY IS NO MUG AND MADRID ARE MUGGING US OFF! AVB WASN'T EVEN IN MIAMI. STOP MAKING UP STUFF!  ******* MARCA AND PEREZ! SO DISRESPECTFUL! SKY CAN GO TAKE A RUNNING JUMP TOO! ALL ABOUT SKY BET! THERE IS NO TRANSFER, NO BID MADE! BALE HASN'T HANDED IN A TRANSFER REQUESTED SO THERE'S YOUR PROOF! HE DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE. VOW OF SILENCE IS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO VALIDATE ANY OF THE LIES! HE'S INJURED, SIMPLE AS THAT! HE'S STAYING. SEEN IT CONFIRMED ON A BLOG. GOT HIS NAME PRINTED ON THE BACK OF MY SHIRT! MADRID STILL OWE US MONEY FROM THE MODRIC DEAL! IT'S ALL JUST FABRICATIONS! AGAINST MODERN JOURNALISM!