Spursy

Inter 3 Tottenham 0 at full time (3-3 on agg)

Extra time played.

Did Andre Villas-Boas get the tactics wrong? What happened to the motivation that would see us treat this game as if it was 0-0? Why the high line and containment when we should have been set up to attack from the start as one early goal would have made it a mission impossible for Inter?

The midfield was lopsided thanks to Dembele stuck out on the right. Parker unable to hold onto the ball like it was Kryptonite to his Krypto (he's the super-dog from the comics). Our very own Superman was back home watching it on the telly, feet up, whilst I couldn't keep my feet still, pacing up and down with uncontrollable nerves periodically screaming. The Tottenham tourettes they call it.

Adebayor and Defoe resembled a dysfunctional couple trying to make love but never got anywhere near penetration, just flicking fluff out of each others belly button.

It was slow and ponderous and most of all a performance that lacked spark and desire. Probably mostly to do with the fact we won 3-0 in the first leg and looked home and dry. The game appeared to also lack that atmospheric intensity that accompany games of magnitude. But then this wasn't really one of those occasions.

The stands resembled the Emirates on the 70th minute mark of any given bad day. The Italians we're that bothered in the first game on the pitch and their supporters obviously equally so this time round even treating our players to some ye olde racism just to see if UEFA are watching. However, it seemed rude for them not to oblige on the pitch this time round what with our lads resembling a very bad tribute band of Inter themselves, a week earlier at the Lane. The only worthy footnote, the vocals of the away support.

Where was the Spurs from that first game? A Delorean and flux-capacitor away.

This game looked and played like an after thought with the added touch that Tottenham would under-perform and allow us all to be consumed by the possibility that the monumental 'impossible' 4-0 required by Inter could/might happen.

how-to-clown-about-with-custard-pies.WidePlayer.jpg

Rather than suggest this is a sign that we are still quite Spursy in our ways, it's probably less of that and more about a new type of complacency in our midst. One that rears its ugly head when we're 3-0 up from a first leg. Nah, we're just Spursy. Every team has a switch-off day and this being THFC, we pick the diamond moments to go to sleep. Narcoleptic football at its definitive best.

When Inter made it 3-0. I laughed. I'm hardly going to cry. I mean, come on, it's funny because it's what you pretend to expect in the build up to ready yourself for the unlikely disaster but you don't really expect it and yet would you believe it, it only goes and happens. Like a clown smacking pie in your face.

From the sublime at the Lane to the ridiculous at the Stadio Giuseppe Meazza. This is Tottenham Hotspur.

The game finished 3-0. Another thirty minutes of emotive expletives on the way. The fine line between love and hate as we prepare to watch more torture with special emphasis on humiliation. If this was sex I'd be a gagged politician being whipped and told I'm very very small.

All of us sat back and waited for the misery to complete with a 4th Inter goal. Because at this point in the season, a soul destroying loss thanks to a limp performance is exactly what is required to set us up for the remaining league games. What a hoot! Fulham on Sunday and we've got extra time to contend with. YOU CAN'T MAKE IT UP BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO BECAUSE SPURS CAN DO IT ALL ON THEIR OWN.

Capitulation. Crisis. Catalyst. Catastrophic. #prayfortottenham

Oh wait. Adebayor scores by falling on his backside and stamping the ball for the 3-1. Glory! Hold the press, settle down, there's still time to botch this up again. Then in the second half of extra time Inter score again. 4-1 we botch it up again.

Hearts in mouths.

THIS IS AS SPURSY AS SPURS CAN GET.

Tick tock.

4-4 on aggregate after extra time. Spurs win on away goal rule.

Disaster averted. Never in doubt. Wouldn't have it any other way because any other way would be alien to us.

ITV, Where drama lives.

I'm knackered. The players are knackered.

Good night.