Harry's £9M gift for JD

No Income tax, no VAT

A lovely nine million pound transfer fee

Lilywhite, and never red

Peter Crouch has a funny head

We have ourselves a signing. He might not be a sexy one, but he’s accomplished in the Premiership and a team player. The type who can hold up the ball, ridiculous that such an ability is lacking from our current lot. Welcome to White Hart Lane, Mr Peter Crouch. Miss Clancy too. He aint a pretty picture (she is) but at least he has product and industry. This is not a Berbatovesque type of swaggering signing that we love down at the Lane. We are sacrificing quality of the ilk we usually expect (Modric anyone?) for someone with a very specialist purpose. The purpose to serve little Defoe who can now place aside his grievances with those pesky Essex Keystone cops and start salivating at the prospect of having the perfect foil standing tall alongside him once more.

£9M the fee. Which isn’t shabby at all. Well it is, I guess, considering we sold him for 60K many moons ago. No sell on value, how times have changed hey Daniel? Granted he won’t score as many as Bent (still Sunderland bound hopefully), but there is no irony to be lost as we all know he’ll create more and cause more havoc for opposing defenders than the apologetic Darren would ever dream of doing. A team who wishes to accommodate Bent will get the best out of him. And good luck to him wherever he ends up at. Crouch is far more of a fit for Spurs. That's compared to Bent. I guess the market is a little dry at the minute.

As for our spanking new forward, I’m making the assumption that ‘arry’s masterplan is to feed Defoe and have him as the main man (30 goals please) in front of goal. It has to be. Add 15+ from Crouch and we have plenty of goals – although it’s not quite the enterprising free-scoring flair play of the Berba/Keano partnership, is it? Bit more of that Lilywhite swagger that was.

Sigh.

Would I prefer a sexy younger player with the potential to have Man Utd looking down at us in a season or two ready for the plucking? Let’s face it, Crouchie joined us ahead of Sunderland and Fulham so it appears we are doing things a little bit differently this summer. Unlike, say, when we signed Darren Bent when he was completely unnecessary to the improvement of our squad, we’ve gone and signed a decent player (never to be world class) who will do a job for us – but nothing overly exceptional enough to take us to the next level. Arguably, signing a potentially world class player has never been a successful ploy to make it to that next level anyhow, so I guess it’s time to swallow a little pride and cross your fingers and hope Aaron doesn't ping too many balls to the head of Crouch.

I’d still have preferred us to bring sexy back. There must be someone out there, young and handsome with a little shirt-tucked-out-of-shorts flair that can hold the ball up and knock a few in? No? I guess I was right about it being a dry market.

Faith in the Redknapp masterplan I guess.

So, the brand new era currently stands as: Defoe, Crouch, Keane and Pav. The latter two are the ones that will have to prove themselves, as it’s blatantly obvious who Harry is going to opt for come the Liverpool game. Keane - as discussed - needs to wake up. Pav has to put an end to all the his tired/he's not 100%/he can't talk English excuses and start playing with intent and composure and confidence.

There is still time for more movers and shakers. I’m still hoping for Negredo personally. As for KJH - he's a little bit too Defoe-esque, is he not? Had we signed him, who would he have replaced? Keane? But anyway, enough with the speculation.

At least this weary transfer window has given us something to talk about.

Happy?