Spurs set to sign Abbey Clancy

I’m back from the melting pot of Southern Turkey where I enjoyed temperatures in the mid-forties, plenty of alcoholic beverages and God forsaken no internet access. Bliss. I’m tanned, refreshed and completely relaxed, even though the stormy weather over Gatwick meant my flight back was delayed for several hours. However, returning to England meant I was about to drown in an abundance of missed Spurs news relating to players signed and sold.

I should have stayed away for another seven days.

Naughton and Walker signed from Sheffield United. Which is nice. Two new kids to destroy. Gareth Bale, you are no longer alone son.

Adel Taarabt has joined QPR on loan for the season. I don’t mind saying that I’m quite happy with this, in that the alternative was him leaving the club altogether. Jury still out on the showboating midfield starlet having a career at the Lane, so all eyes on how he manages to handle a full term in the Championship where hopefully his composure and decision making will progress in the right direction. You have to wonder if it will. If he was that full of potential would we not want to look after him closer to home? Or at least loan him out to a Prem club? I guess if you ignore Adel’s constant whinging and self-hype, there is little (at the moment) to suggest he is half as good as he thinks he is. Feet do the talking time.

No news on Negredo. Last bit of info I had from my Madrid ‘contact’ was an echo of what most of their fans seem to be in agreement about:

He is in his final hours as a Real Madrid player and will be leaving the club's base in Ireland very soon. This deal will probably be announced officially in the next week. I suppose Spurs went after him once they realised they couldn't get Huntelaar.

After making a perfect start to his presidency, Florentino has now made his first big mistake. I really hope it’s his last. Even with the buyback option, i don't think the club should have released such a promising young talent so easily, especially when there are other crappy players in the squad that need to be sold.

That was from the 17th July. Nothing since. As for Huntelaar, I’m expecting him to turn up in red and white while we end up with Peter Crouch. Who, as a replacement for Bent, isn’t too shabby an option. But that’s a little bit like deciding that to get to where you want to be in a hurry you decide to skip instead of walk.

Crouch (bless his robotic bones) is not exactly a massive upgrade on what we have at the moment. What we have at the moment is a mish-mash of forwards who appear to have arrived at White Hart Lane like elephants walking towards the great graveyard. Apart from Defoe – Bent, Pav and Keane are now stuck firmly in the much-maligned category as we all struggle to understand what Harry is aiming for with regards to his forward line-up.

So what will Crouchie offer us other than a wonderfully gorgeous girlfriend sitting up in the stands? He’s shit in the air and he isn’t exactly prolific. But at least he does offer more than say Darren Bent, especially as a foil to Defoe. Yet still, what of Bent and Pav and Keano?

Even though Pompey have accepted our offer, Harry (interviewed on Sky Sports today) claims Levy is deep in talks and there is no deal currently or no fee agreed. So are Pompey playing silly buggers with their claims or after more money from another interested club?

Elsewhere, Hutton is apparently off to Everton although he appears to be playing for us against Celtic at Wembley today. More tabloid pish? Maybe, maybe not. Hutton isn’t the greatest defender but he attacks well. Just ask his dad. Moyes might get more out of him and we do have a ridiculous amount of full-backs, so if his off the field antics and his injury prone record are reasons to cash in and move on, then so be it.

And that’s it. No major mouth-watering signings in my absence. Patrick Vieira is still ‘making up his mind’ with regards to a move to Spurs. The ITK’s reckon he won’t be a constant first-team starter and Harry has been publicly speaking about him, almost like he is allowing us time to mentally prepare when he’s paraded wearing a Lilywhite shirt and holding up a Spurs scarf. As for the Harry comment relating to Sol Campbell (‘It will even it out...’) erm...no it won’t mate. Hush now. Let’s hope he doesn’t bring an awful amount of falling over shadows because unlike them lot over there, we don’t like fantastic cheats. Not that Vieira is anywhere near fantastic.