Got any spare change, guv?

The Opus. This titanic half metre of memorabilia ranges between £4000, £6000 and £10000, depending on whether you purchase the club, captains or legends edition (price relates to the varying degrees of signatures from current and retired players and edition number) – making up 1000 limited editions of Tottenham’s 125 year history. This isn’t your bog-standard coffee table book. Probably because if your table isn’t made of reinforced steel, it will collapse under the weight. Not exactly an item the average Spurs fan can afford either. So why Spurs continue to ram the hype down our throats at every given opportunity is anyone’s guess. Not shifting many Daniel?

The Opus. For the rich.

We had a couple of ex-players looking at the book at half-time in a recent game. Blatant publicity stunt, as the bloke with the mic salivated his way through a sales pitch informing the crowd countless times how magical and amazing and brilliant the book was. The ex-players were kitted out in special gloves to not dirty up the glossy pages as they commentated on the pics and churned out antidotes about Bill Nick. The fact I can’t remember which of our beloved legends were involved in this PR stunt tells you how little attention I was wasting on the scripted dramatics. £600 or so on a season ticket is my limit, with the special added-value extra of being able to burn it any given time without remorse.

£10,000 is a deposit on a flat or house. £6,000 is a very decent car and £4000 is a couple of nights with an escort girl and a few grams. Spending any of those totals on a book is sheer vanity. Where’s the re-sell value? How many times can you stare at black and white pictures of men in shorts and various arty shots of White Hart Lane and its Cockerel?

If you’re the type of fan who must have everything, because you can’t deal with living without, Spurs have a couple of payment plans available just for you. A ‘buy now and pay later’ option along with personal loan instalments. A sly way for you to get into debt with the club. Default on the payments and Levy will have you selling bagels for the next 10 years.

Glory only comes in black and white

Yes, there are some unique photographs and newspaper articles and pre-historic match-day programmes that you probably won’t find anywhere else in any other publication. And with all proceeds from sales going to the Tottenham Hotspur Foundation, the club probably forked out a lot of money for the privilege (and apparent honour) to have this book commissioned and produced.

The irony that the only people who can afford this without denting their wallet are the players themselves is lost on the club. Get rid of the boring half-time QVC segment and drop leaflets over the West Stand upper if you want to clear stock quickly.

This is almost as bad the Chirpy revamp.